


Freeze

by OfTheAshTree62, Reijin_Hakumei



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Fullbringer Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 27,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28152390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfTheAshTree62/pseuds/OfTheAshTree62, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reijin_Hakumei/pseuds/Reijin_Hakumei
Summary: Yukio’s eyes narrowed a bit, but not in anger, in genuine scrutiny of the situation. He never was able to stop himself from trying to solve a problem when it was presented to him. “All we’ve really determined here is that we’ve both been burying our feelings for each other. Everything you just said about age… it doesn’t really matter to me, except as a challenge that needs my attention to be solved. So, Toshiro, I’m going to turn your question back on you. Aging issues notwithstanding, what do you want from me?” he asked, the determination returning to his eyes as his mind finally began to work at its usual efficiency. Being given a puzzle to solve seemed to have kickstarted it, and he wasn’t backing down from this now.Toshiro froze. You couldn't just solve aging. Even Yukio, as determined as he seemed. And Toshiro was terrified to actually admit what he really wanted - at the same time he didn't want to lie. "That doesn't matter," he whispered, looking away.What he wanted - that never mattered. His life had never been up to him.Why would this be any different?
Relationships: Hitsugaya Toushirou/Yukio Hans Vorarlberna
Comments: 18
Kudos: 15
Collections: YukiShiro Ship Week and Archive





	1. The Walk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Geishaaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geishaaa/gifts).



**__ **

**_Chapter 1:[The Walk](https://youtu.be/H7B14nhYub0)_ **

Visiting the World of the Living, even on assignment, was a _process_ that Toshiro didn’t particularly enjoy. He hated the feeling of his immense reiatsu being dampened and sealed. It may have been a relief back before he’d learned to control it, but now it just made him feel vulnerable. 

A feeling he particularly disliked. 

However, the person he’d been assigned to watch and report back on was powerful enough to warrant a captain-class shinigami. He was also clever enough that _Toshiro,_ specifically, had been chosen of the Gotei Thirteen. That and he’d fought him once before.

Yukio Hans Vorarlberna. 

He was just a kid, really, at the start of this. Only sixteen years of age. Toshiro looked like he was as well, but in reality he’d turned seventy four that past December. For someone so young though, Yukio was clearly brilliant. Toshiro had been as thorough as he always was when researching for his mission. Yukio had created his own company from the wealth he had stolen from his family’s company - the act that had supposedly driven his parents to suicide, choosing rather to not live at all than live poor. 

The fact that he had felt the need to bankrupt his own family was rather telling of his emotional state, at least when he’d been ten years of age and had done it. Six years was not very far removed from such a traumatic sequence of events. And his power was concerning at least - terrifying at most. Toshiro had a feeling that had Yukio not placed _himself_ within the dimension he’d created and trapped them in during their battle, he’d have had no leverage to force him to release them. And from what he’d been able to get out of Kurosaki when he’d questioned him, Yukio could control _every_ aspect of _reality_ within the dimensions he created. Someone that powerful and that potentially unbalanced emotionally who had a track record of his own interpretation of morality and rules… The observation was clearly warranted and Toshiro understood the reason behind the assignment. 

Toshiro planned on keeping his distance, and his guard. He’d observe the teen, write his report, and return to the Seireitei. And that’s exactly what he’d done. Each month. For the past _two years._

Honestly, he didn’t know why he was still being ordered to do this. Yukio wasn’t interested in Soul Society. He barely even _used_ his Fullbring anymore, from what Toshiro had observed. The youth was concentrated on expanding his company and stabilizing the lives of the remaining Fullbringers - giving them someone to work for and a place to call home, without the problems of a paper trail or having to hide what they were. 

He was actually _helping_ people - a lot of them - his business interests focused on bettering people’s lives through the use of technology and bringing resources to areas of the world that were currently sorely lacking. Toshiro found that he rather admired him for that, for changing his life so dramatically, now that Kugo Ginjo and Shukuro Tsukishima were gone and he was in full control of his own decisions. All those resources and that brilliant mind, squandered for the advancement of one delusional, former-substitute shinigami, were now free to focus on his own interests. Interests which apparently centered on helping those he was able, _especially_ in ways that didn’t obviously lead back to him, personally. 

Yukio still kept his distance, even from the remaining Fullbringers. He didn’t necessarily avoid their company but he didn’t seek them out, and never seemed to speak of anything of real importance to any of them. Riruka was the only one around with any consistency and he merely seemed to tolerate her presence. He still was constantly playing on that PSP, though, as the focus of his Fullbring that was to be expected. Toshiro thought he also used it as a bit of a shield though, a barrier, an _excuse_ to pretend to ignore the people around him. Toshiro knew he didn’t, that he was extremely observant, but he didn’t like to be seen as such. Almost like he wasn’t comfortable unless he was being ignored. 

None of that was a real cause for concern, however; so Toshiro never had anything concerning to report about him. And Toshiro would have known if there was something - he simply wouldn’t allow himself to be anything other than completely thorough with a mission, observation-only included. It was his job to know and understand Yukio Hans Vorarlberna, and so he’d done his best to do so. 

And in doing so, Toshiro slowly came to realize… 

He _liked_ him. 

Yukio was still troubled, but he wasn’t allowing that to hold him back at all. He was kind and soft-hearted, disliked confrontation, and hid his real self away from every person he was able to, both wanting and yet terrified of any real connection to someone. 

Toshiro would have given him that privacy, could he have, but his mission always came before anyone’s comfort. Including his own. So when he visited he tended to stay near him for several days at a time, following him everywhere as he went about his routine. Yukio was more than spiritually aware enough to see him - something Toshiro actually wished he couldn’t do as it would have made this less awkward for them both - but none of the other humans he was around and worked with could. Sure, the other Fullbringers would have been able to, but they were rarely around, usually doing some task or assignment. So Yukio was forced to pretend he wasn’t there most of the time and go about his day as if he weren’t being avidly watched. 

Toshiro could tell though that he made him uncomfortable. Well, Toshiro would rather have shelved this assignment himself but that decision wasn’t his to make. He kept thinking that each month would be the last. And each following month he was sent again. Even when they were alone, Yukio had valiantly tried to ignore his presence, and Toshiro had respected that wish. 

That was the main thing that wore on him. Toshiro had come to terms with the fact that he liked him… Was attracted to him even… Yukio was beautiful, brilliant, and kind under that cold front. 

But Yukio _hated_ him. 

And he had every reason to. 

Stepping once again out the senkaimon, seal in place - a large tattoo of the Tenth Division daffodil located over his heart upon his chest - Toshiro immediately sought out Yukio’s reiraku, following the now familiar white ribbon to one of his many properties. The air was frigid, now mid December, and Toshiro breathed it in, finding calm within the cold as he shunpo-ed over snow-covered buildings. He found Yukio in a bedroom, as it was quite late, but he was far from asleep, sitting cross-legged on the bed, the glow of a screen illuminating sharp emerald eyes and golden blonde hair. Toshiro entered silently through the wall before leaning himself against it, folding his arms together through the opposite sleeves of his kosode.

Silently watching him. Keeping as much distance as he could.

Like he always did.

Yukio didn’t even bother looking up. He had sensed the Captain coming from quite a distance anyway, so his appearance didn’t even startle him. It was always around the same time of the month that he arrived anyway, so it had become quite predictable. He supposed he could sympathize with Riruka now when she complained about her 'time of the month.' Though, his 'time of the month' torture had to be on a whole different level than what she suffered. Nothing could be worse than having to tolerate being stalked for several days every month when your entire life revolved around staying _away_ from others. 

It would have helped if he at least kept his distance, but he was standing not fifteen feet from him, really at all times, and often closer when needed. Toshiro followed him _everywhere_ \- business meetings, fundraising events, even when he had to travel for conferences. There was no getting away from him. Yukio would have sworn he was doing it on purpose, but really Toshiro seemed as peeved by it all as he did. Or maybe that was just how he always looked. In over two years, he had never seen the strict shinigami smile. Though, he supposed it could be worse. The Gotei Thirteen could have sent someone that actually wanted to _talk_ when they were alone. 

Like they were now.

It was always ridiculously unnerving to be able to see him, have to visually recognize his presence, and still ignore him. Toshiro could have at least done his stalking from outside the window and left him alone, like any normal creep would. But this was an _assignment,_ evidently, and Toshiro took those very seriously. Yukio actually respected him for that, but he still kept the distance between them, really wishing there was _more_ distance between them. He had completed the level of his game minutes ago, but he didn’t lower the PSP from in front of him and considered just going to sleep. He wasn’t exactly tired - he really never was, somehow - but even pretending to sleep was better than catching sight of white hair in the corner of his vision. 

One of these days, he’d find a way to get rid of the much-too-thorough Captain. But there wasn’t much that rattled the man, so Yukio knew he would have to get creative. And, actually, he knew just the thing - and he had to admit he was going to enjoy it far too much. Watching Toshiro react to _this_ would be well worth the effort. Surely he was adorable when he blushed, if that was physically possible. Yukio turned off his PSP, tossing it on the bedside table and very deliberately meeting stern teal eyes. He couldn’t deny that the man’s eyes were beautiful, a vibrant color even rarer than his own. 

“Hey, _Captain,_ why don’t you come sit down with me?” he offered, giving a sly grin.

Toshiro narrowed his eyes and frowned at the other. Not once had Yukio actually acknowledged his presence, even though he knew the other was always only too aware of it. He was actually a bit curious as Yukio didn’t do much without purpose, _especially_ talking to others. 

Even with his reiatsu sealed, Toshiro wasn’t overly concerned about him any longer, and his PSP was currently out of his reach. His frown remained as he crossed the room, deciding to humor him, if just to see what Yukio would do. At least this was something different to observe about the other. He sat on the bed, as far from him as he could, serious teal eyes watching him closely.

Yukio was amused that Toshiro had maintained as much distance as possible - he was surprised, however, that he had actually decided to indulge him without some snippy comeback. Though Toshiro was mostly silent, except for his rare communications with the Soul Society. Still, Yukio had learned quite a bit about him as well, and he knew Toshiro wasn’t one to tolerate anything he felt was a waste of his time. So, evidently, he thought humoring him was worth his effort for some reason. “You know… I could stare at your eyes for hours,” Yukio said, intentionally keeping his focus on the man at the other end of the bed. 

“You asked me to sit here… so you could stare at my eyes?” Toshiro questioned, a brief look of complete confusion crossing his face before his expression settled into his usual scowl.

Yukio bit his lip to keep from laughing, taking a moment to collect himself from perceiving just how clueless Toshiro really was. Perhaps he wasn’t being forward enough. “Your eyes, your hair… the rest of you,” Yukio replied, his eyes quite obviously sweeping down Toshiro’s body. He knew he had to be strong despite his child-like appearance, likely quite toned. But that really wasn’t the point, and Yukio abruptly reminded himself of that as he forced his gaze back up to Toshiro’s face, which really wasn’t any less of a distraction from his actual purpose.

Toshiro blinked, trying to perceive the point behind the comment. Because there _had_ to be one - this was Yukio. He didn’t talk to people just to talk to them, or because he was bored. The _way_ he had said that and looked him over made it seem as though he was actually flirting with him. But that was ridiculous. Toshiro knew he still looked too young for anyone to really be interested in. Even if his body was around sixteen or seventeen years, he was still _very_ small, not having grown more than a few inches since he’d been in Academy. Yukio was even a few inches taller than him. 

He sighed, glancing away and trying to not brood over his ridiculously slowly maturing body. Because even if he looked small, he still had all the hormones of an older teenager, and he wouldn’t mind at least _some_ attention. It didn’t help that Yukio was stunningly beautiful to him, though he'd learned to completely ignore his own wants and desires long ago and never acted upon them, locking them away. 

They never mattered anyway. 

He really didn’t see what point Yukio was trying to make here, so he just asked, teal eyes glancing back towards him, “What’s your point, Yukio?”

Yukio wasn’t surprised at Toshiro’s bluntness, and he had already prepared a response. “I just wanted to get you a little closer. You know, usually people that have been watching each other for two years get a bit more comfortable with each than we obviously are,” he replied. Though, a bit too much truth had leaked out with his words. This was supposed to be innocent flirting, just something to deter Toshiro, honestly. Something to make him finally get his superiors to stop sending him on this pointless mission. But, the more Yukio talked, and the more he couldn’t keep his eyes off of him, the more unnervingly drawn to him he became. They had barely spoken to one another, but Yukio felt that he knew Toshiro very well already, which didn’t help him dismiss this sudden physical attraction.

“You don’t like _anyone_ close to you, Yukio. I was merely trying to respect that. I am sorry, I know this probably isn’t easy on you, even unnerving. If I wasn’t ordered to do this, I’d leave you alone and in peace. I’m not uncomfortable around you at all and I’m trying my best so you’re as comfortable with me here as possible. I don’t _mind_ talking to you, being nearer to you, if that’s what you _actually_ want.” Toshiro still had his doubts that it was, wondering exactly what Yukio was trying to achieve by this.

Yukio’s eyes widened and his heart began to pound unrelentingly in his chest. How was this _backfiring_ so badly? He thought teasing and flirting would make Toshiro _go away,_ not actually offer him friendship. It didn’t matter anyway. He was an assignment to Toshiro, and nothing more. Surely he just thought he was a misguided child, and offering this truce was his way of demeaning him. 

“No, I really just want you to leave me alone. I figured flirting with you would make you more eager to get away from me, maybe watch me from a distance like you should anyway. Surely invading my personal life isn’t part of your assignment,” Yukio insisted. Though, he had to admit to himself that _now_ he was partially lying. If he thought Toshiro was capable of seeing him as more than a criminal or a possible threat, this could work out - but that would never happen, and he didn’t want to be lulled into a false sense of security with what was likely a phony attempt at friendship that was actually a way to pull more information out of him.

Teal eyes dulled a bit, saying quietly, “I understand. But I can’t actually _observe_ you and what you’re doing without being able to clearly see and hear you.” Toshiro stood from the bed, retreating back to the wall, this time sliding down to sit upon the floor. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around and resting his chin upon them, trying to not feel as though he was curling in on himself, teal eyes returning to silently watch Yukio. 

He didn’t understand why Yukio’s words had any impact on him at all. _Of course_ that’s what he’d wanted. Toshiro had known Yukio despised him being here, valued his privacy. And besides, no one would _actually_ be interested in him or his company anyway - especially not someone as bright and beautiful as Yukio. He wouldn’t have a problem finding a partner if he actually _wanted_ one, and Toshiro would be a terrible choice, for several reasons. 

Yukio watched as Toshiro walked - _dejectedly_ \- back to the wall, and when he turned around and sank to the floor, Yukio felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. He never wanted the first hint of emotion he got to see on that beautiful face to be such deep rejection. But he really didn’t know what to do. Admit he was lying? Toshiro probably wouldn’t believe him anyway, with how he had succeeded in sounding so decisive about it. And really, in his mind, it had started that way. He was growing rather irritated with seeing the small shinigami follow him everywhere every month for two years. Besides, it wasn’t like Toshiro thought anything of _him,_ so what was with the show? 

But now, seeing him obviously trying _not_ to be so distraught at Yukio’s comment, was tearing at his heart for a reason he didn’t really understand. Had all this really been building up for so long that it was _this_ overwhelming? Because he really felt like he wanted to comfort him. But after what he had said, he knew it wouldn’t be received well. He sighed, picking up his PSP and turning it back on, really a habit when he was feeling overwhelmed, something to level his mind again so he didn’t act rashly. He had to sort this out before he did anything, or he may well come to regret it.

Toshiro continued to watch him, a bit more closely now that he had retrieved his PSP, but he seemed to simply be playing it to relieve his stress, as he’d often seen him do when he was processing something. Teal eyes took in every detail, seeing more than Yukio could ever know. Yes, this had begun as an assignment - and it still was - but Toshiro had come to admire Yukio, to respect him, and to actually enjoy his silent company. He just hated feeling like he was inflicting _his_ presence on _Yukio_ \- and he clearly _was._ He’d just made that abundantly clear. He’d leave if he could, not wanting to cause him any distress, but the mission came first. It always did.

What he wanted never mattered. 

Yukio glanced up a bit more often than usual from his game as it neared two-thirty in the morning. Toshiro was still sitting there. He hadn’t really moved at all since settling on the floor, looking thoughtful as he usually did. But the dullness in his eyes was concerning, and Yukio hated to admit that. He would have rather seen the trademark scrutiny than something that actually resembled _sadness._

Finally, right around three, he actually began to feel his eyelids get heavy, so he put down his game again and brought tired eyes back to the shinigami on the floor. He stood from the bed and silently changed into more comfortable clothes to sleep in - he certainly hadn’t begun to inconvenience himself due to Toshiro’s presence, and Toshiro had never seemed to mind - and laid down on his back under the blankets on his bed. He brought his hands up to bury them in his own hair, giving a deep sigh as he did.

“Sorry, Toshiro. I was lying,” he muttered, immediately turning onto his side, facing away from the other man, hoping he would leave it at that.

Toshiro frowned. Lying? About what? 

Clearly Yukio didn't want to actually talk about it, and Toshiro remained silent, not inflicting his presence on him more than necessary. He relaxed a bit, resting his head more fully upon his knees as Yukio clearly intended to sleep himself. Teal eyes fell closed after several long minutes. He never needed much sleep, but he did require _some._ His breathing deepened, becoming even and steady as he allowed himself to doze, his senses still attuned to what was occurring around him even in light sleep. He'd awaken when Yukio stirred. 

Like he always did. 

* * *

Yukio didn’t sleep well at all that night, his mind constantly wrestling with his heart about what he had seen. It was all he could think about. Toshiro had looked rather devastated by what he had said. Yukio thought it had been fairly obvious how they saw each other. Toshiro was clearly above him in every way, being the competent, smart, ridiculously powerful man that he was. In comparison, Yukio was still just a child with special powers, the only thing setting him apart being the way he handled his business. There was no way Toshiro would ever think more of him. Why would he?

Yukio rose even earlier than usual when the sunlight began to send a soft glow into his room. It was barely enough to see by, but he sat up anyway, rubbing his eyes and leaning over to rest his elbow on his leg as he pressed the heel of his hand into his eye. He felt miserable. He had honestly only rarely felt this way, even after hardly sleeping, but he figured it was because of just how active his mind had been. He really didn’t feel he had the fortitude to make it through a workday and actually have the capacity to _think_ about anything. It was more than irritating, honestly. His mind was the one thing that never seemed to fail him. 

He still had several hours before his first meeting, so he figured it may be beneficial to actually say something to Toshiro, especially if his body was going to retaliate against him like this when he refused to.

“Toshiro,” he murmured, his voice still strained from sleep, “I didn’t mean what I said last night. I don’t mind you hanging around all the time. It’s actually… a little less lonely that way.” He didn’t turn to look at him, not really concerned that he had disturbed him. His entire mission was to be aware of everything Yukio did, so he knew he wasn’t sleeping.

Toshiro had awoken as soon as Yukio had sat up, his mind immediately sharp and clear. Being disciplined and aware was second nature to him, which was one of the reasons he was selected for many reconnaissance and observational missions. He watched Yukio lean into the heel of his hand and noted how exhausted he still appeared - which was unusual. Even on little to no sleep, Yukio never actually _looked_ sleep deprived. And when he spoke to him - _again_ \- Toshiro was honestly at a loss. 

Toshiro felt his own exhaustion over the entire situation, not understanding why he was _still_ being sent here. Yukio wasn’t any threat to Soul Society, that was obvious. Being here hadn't really bothered him before Yukio’s words last night. Now he just wanted to be elsewhere, to give Yukio what he'd said he wanted. He didn't wish him any discomfort. 

But now… He hadn't meant it? 

"What do you want from me, Yukio?" Toshiro questioned, far too emotionally drained to play games with the gamer, teal eyes still dulled and rather resigned. 

Yukio’s eyes snapped open fully, and his heart felt like it actually stopped for several beats. The edge in Toshiro’s voice did little to hide the emotion buried beneath, and that was something Yukio had never heard. He slowly turned, sitting up a bit from his hunched position. “If I’m going to be completely honest with you, I have to say I don’t know. All I know is that I like you, but I hate myself for it. It doesn’t make _sense._ I _shouldn’t_ enjoy your company, but I do. Even if we never talk, just having someone here that doesn’t frequently irritate the hell out of me is more than I’ve ever had before,” he admitted. He kept emerald eyes locked on subdued teal as he spoke, determined to get this out of his head to ease his own suffering.

Toshiro lifted his head, his eyes clearing a bit as he processed that. Yukio actually _did_ enjoy his presence, he just didn't _like_ that he did and didn't understand _why._ Toshiro didn't understand it either. Logically, he should hate Toshiro for intruding so much upon his privacy and solitude. He replayed his last statement in his mind and Toshiro felt his lips twitch slightly in amusement, thinking of how much Rangiku did exactly that - as much as he loved her - and how peaceful being in Yukio’s presence was in comparison. Honestly, this monthly mission was _almost_ like a vacation for him, if it weren't for the frustrating and unnerving seal upon his chest. 

Still, Yukio hadn't really answered his question. Perhaps he couldn't, if he really didn't know what he wanted. But… that hadn't been all he had done last night. "Did you honestly think pretending to flirt with me would drive me away?" He couldn't have thought Toshiro believed for a second that he was serious. 

Yukio scoffed. “Well, you’ve never seemed interested in being close to me, so I figured if I acted like I was pushing, you’d pull back, not actually _offer_ to be close to me. Do you really think you’ve given me any reason to think you’d ever actually care about me?” he asked, his voice regaining its edge. 

"No," Toshiro said. "Because it wouldn't have made a difference anyway."

“Wouldn’t have made a difference? Why?” Yukio had to ask. He could try to decipher the statement, and several possible explanations crossed his mind, but lately Toshiro had been surprising him, so he decided against making assumptions.

"Warming how you see me, letting you know how I've come to respect and admire you, it wouldn't matter. In the two years I've been sent to observe you, surely you've also observed _me._ I'm practically frozen, compared to you, Yukio. You've grown and changed drastically in that amount of time. You've built up your company and influence… The amount of people you've been able to help amazes me. And you've matured physically as well. You may not be taller, but your features are more defined, your eyes less round…" Toshiro trailed off, trying to collect his thoughts, to explain - what seemed so obvious - _why_ his feelings for him didn't matter at all… That this would just be impossible.

"Compared to you, I don't change. And I'm actually _far_ older. But by the time my body fully matures, you'll be old and gray. And if I _did_ gain your - friendship…" Toshiro stumbled a bit on the word, knowing he would actually want something more, but knowing Yukio would _never_ see him that way. "If I did, it would only be to watch you grow old without me, to watch you someday die, if I didn't lose you before then. Why bother with that pain? It makes far more sense to keep you at a distance. You and I were never meant to meet - unless it was for me to perform a konso upon your soul. So tell me, what difference would it make, other than bring pain?"

Yukio’s eyes narrowed a bit, but not in anger, in genuine scrutiny of the situation. He never was able to stop himself from trying to solve a problem when it was presented to him. “All we’ve really determined here is that we’ve both been burying our feelings for each other. Everything you just said about age… it doesn’t really matter to me, except as a challenge that needs my attention to be solved. So, Toshiro, I’m going to turn your question back on you. Aging issues notwithstanding, what do _you_ want from _me?”_ he asked, the determination returning to his eyes as his mind finally began to work at its usual efficiency. Being given a puzzle to solve seemed to have kickstarted it, and he wasn’t backing down from this now.

Toshiro froze. You couldn't just _solve_ aging. Even Yukio, as determined as he seemed. And Toshiro was terrified to actually admit what he _really_ wanted - at the same time he didn't want to _lie._ "That doesn't matter," he whispered, looking away. 

What he wanted - that never mattered. His life had _never_ been up to him. 

Why would this be any different? 

Yukio stood from the bed and crossed the room, kneeling in front of Toshiro where he was still sitting on the floor and placing his hands on his shoulders. “It _does_ matter, and I don’t care if I miss my meeting, I’m staying here until you tell me. All of this nonsense about us not being meant to meet each other, things not being meant to be this way, I _don’t care._ Because if I’m going to go against how I’ve lived my _entire life_ and let you get close to me and pull all of these confessions out of me, I’m not going to just give up on you,” Yukio told him, his voice shaking a bit with how difficult it was to actually _admit_ what he was saying.

This was entirely Yukio’s fault, Toshiro was convinced. The fact that his heartbeat had picked up, forcing him to lose the perfect composure that he always maintained… He didn’t want to feel like this, like there was actually hope, _knowing_ that there wasn’t. And he was _so_ close, far closer than he’d ever been. Actively _touching_ him. _No one_ did that, other than Rangiku, but then she was family and had always done so. Not even Momo would touch him without him initiating the contact anymore. He really felt like he was losing control, Yukio breaking him down only too easily with those beautiful emerald eyes. What did _he_ want from _him?_

There wasn’t a single thing he didn’t want, if he were actually honest with himself.

“Everything,” Toshiro whispered, feeling utterly weak and hating it - hating how soft and unsure his voice was, how he was slightly shaking as he actually admitted that terrifying truth - because that wasn’t remotely possible and saying it aloud would only make everything _worse_ but… It seemed Yukio could pull confessions out of him too.

“Everything,” Yukio repeated softly, his expression relaxing a bit as he almost laughed. He shifted to fully sit on the floor, pulling Toshiro to sit between his legs and wrapping his arms around his smaller body, holding him against him. Yukio considered how perfect he felt there, as in contact with him as he could be, held against his chest with his head on his shoulder. Toshiro may have thought his size made him too child-like, but Yukio knew better. Toshiro was far from a child, and he fit perfectly in his arms just the way he was.

Toshiro didn’t really know what to do, his emotions completely all over the place. The last time he’d felt this out of control of himself, he’d managed to freeze his entire home - not much chance of that with the seal on his power, thankfully, but he still felt terrified of being this off-balanced. That was when they’d lost Shiba-taicho and he felt completely lost, never even considering he _could_ lose him. 

And now there was Yukio - powerful, yes, but far more fragile. Not only to death in general but to _time._ Toshiro did want him, he wanted _everything_ from him, as he’d said… But he just couldn’t do this, too certain that it would be less painful to remain as they had been. And yet he couldn’t seem to stop himself from desperately leaning into him, from clutching at the fabric of his shirt over his chest. All his fault, this entire mess Toshiro found himself in - but he only loved him more for it. Loved that he’d pushed, that he seemed to _actually_ care about what _Toshiro_ wanted. Silent tears collected and fell from very conflicted teal eyes - how can you feel fear and relief at the same time?

Yukio held him there for an undetermined amount of time. It really didn’t matter how long it was. It could have been all day and he wouldn’t have minded. But when he realized that the tension never left Toshiro’s harsh grip on his shirt, he slid one hand from around his back to lightly grasp his chin, urging him to look up. Yukio had to meet him halfway, tilting his head a bit to get a good look at his face because Toshiro obviously didn’t want him seeing him. When he took in the distraught expression and the tear stains on his cheeks, he understood why. 

He was quite shocked at the change from how he usually saw the cold, seemingly unfeeling Captain, but it didn’t lead him to think any differently of him. If anything, he was _glad_ to see emotion from him. Yukio only moved his hand from Toshiro’s chin, around to bury his fingers in smooth white hair near the nape of his neck, pressing his cheek to Toshiro’s forehead and closing his eyes. He knew Toshiro thought this was impossible, but Yukio had never bent to such rules. “I’m going to figure this out, because it’s what _we_ want. In the meantime, I don’t want to see you like this,” he whispered.

“I don’t want to feel like this,” Toshiro whispered, his voice strained and he knew if he spoke too much, he’d break entirely. He really did _hate_ feeling so entirely _weak._ Emotion had always been a weakness to him, something he needed to control, because he _hurt_ people - _especially_ the people closest to him when he was overwhelmed, when emotion guided him. With his power or his words… And he _never_ wanted to hurt Yukio. _Especially_ not now. “I… don’t want to hurt… never want _you_ hurt, Yukio… I’m sorry… I don’t know what to do…”

Yukio only held him tighter, hearing his desperate words. It was true of both of them - neither was good with emotion, and he knew Toshiro had a reason to fear losing control of his - but he really just didn’t fear Toshiro the way Toshiro feared himself. “You don’t have to _do_ anything. You won’t hurt me, Toshiro,” Yukio assured him. He hoped Toshiro understood that he didn’t just mean physically. 

He had full confidence that, once they had overcome the initial obstacles of being together, Toshiro would never hurt him any other way, either. Yukio didn’t feel the need to hide anything from Toshiro, knowing he was actually very accepting despite his facade of not caring for others, so he knew he would never hurt him emotionally. He admired so many things about the man in his arms, and he knew Toshiro had no idea the actual depth of his feelings for him. 

Toshiro shook his head; Yukio didn’t understand. He wouldn’t _try_ to hurt him - but it _always_ happened. His breathing hitched, his voice failing him, and he buried his face into Yukio’s chest, uncaring about the tight hold Yukio still had on his hair. He sucked in deep breaths, choking on sobs but remaining eerily silent as he did so, finally giving in to the overwhelmingly mixed feelings within him, the temperature in the room dropping but thankfully the seal did its job, holding back most of his power.

Yukio curled himself in around Toshiro, feeling his body tense with soundless sobs. His legs came up to cage Toshiro in from the sides, and he put both arms around his back again, holding him firmly to himself and simply allowing this to happen. He did his best not to shiver as the ambient temperature dropped, not wanting to cause Toshiro any concern. It wasn’t _too_ cold anyway, and Yukio knew he wore a seal to the Living World that would, hopefully, keep his rampant power from leaking out at too high of a concentration. But even if he was able to let loose a bit more, Yukio knew it wouldn’t kill him. It likely wouldn’t even hurt him. And even if it did, he would _never_ blame Toshiro for that.

Eventually the uncontrollable sobs subsided, Toshiro’s breathing still strained, still feeling as though his chest were clenched tight with fear, but it was less than before. Yukio had held him the entire time, even as the air became unpleasantly cold around them, he hadn’t even flinched or shied away from him. Toshiro knew that, like this, his own body wasn’t going to offer him any warmth. Yukio’s own body heat felt hot around him but Toshiro was only comforted by the heat. He nuzzled into him, trying to shift so more of his body was in contact with Yukio’s far warmer one, seeking out that warmth, slowly beginning to trust that Yukio may actually be determined enough to find solutions to the challenges involved with them being together if he was willing to put himself through that and still hold him tightly against himself. If anyone could, he supposed, it was Yukio. Toshiro hadn’t seen him fail at finding the solution to a puzzle yet. 

Toshiro just had to trust in that. It was just so _difficult_ for Toshiro to _trust._ But he was going to try. 

He tilted his face slightly, pressing ice cold lips against Yukio’s throat, relaxing as his warmth flooded in at the contact. Still he didn’t flinch away from him and Toshiro relaxed even further against him, his breathing finally coming under control and warmth returning to his body.

Despite the cold that had covered Toshiro’s body - really because of it - Yukio stayed determinedly wrapped around him as thoroughly as he could. When Toshiro finally began to calm, and he felt him nuzzle into him and actually _kiss_ his neck, Yukio let out a relieved sigh. He tilted his head down to kiss Toshiro’s hair. Even his _hair_ was cold, even though he was gradually getting warmer. Yukio buried his face in the chilly white strands, intentionally breathing deeply and spreading his warm breath over Toshiro’s hair as he exhaled. Slowly, he moved his hands up and down his back, trying to create at least a small amount of friction to bring his body back to a normal temperature. “I’ve got you, Toshiro. I could never leave you like this, no matter how much you think I have the right to,” he said quietly, turning to rest his cheek on the top of his head.

Toshiro moved so that his nose was pressed against his neck as he murmured, “I know you mean that, Yukio. And I’m grateful you stayed, that you held me through that. I am. But I need you to _promise_ me that if I lose control and my reiatsu isn’t under the seal that you won’t come near me - especially _touch_ me. I would freeze you, Yukio, and I wouldn’t have any control over doing so. I… actually never wanted to be a shinigami… But I needed to learn some control over this, and the Academy was the only way. I’ve… hurt a lot of people that have tried to help me… Promise me that you won’t let that happen to you. I can’t stand the thought of hurting you, Yukio. My ice can _kill_ you.” Toshiro’s voice abruptly broke off, refusing to think of that possibility.

“I promise I won’t let that happen to me,” Yukio replied. He wasn’t lying. He hadn’t promised he wouldn’t try to help him, no matter what that meant. He hadn’t even promised that he wouldn’t go near him if he lost control. Obviously he would, because he was unsure himself if he would have done anything any differently if this had happened under different circumstances _without_ a seal on Toshiro’s powers. He honestly couldn’t promise that. He couldn’t imagine Toshiro suffering like this alone, _especially_ when it was definitely all his fault. 

Toshiro sighed, noting what Yukio had promised - and what he _hadn’t._ It was unlikely he’d ever see him without the seal anyway, it being necessary for a Captain-class shinigami to even come to Living World. “I’m alright now, Yukio,” he murmured, “if you need to do anything with your day. I’m not supposed to be disrupting your life like this… I’ll be with you anyway.” He did feel better, mostly relieved to have actually at least somewhat admitted his feelings towards Yukio, as well as comforted by Yukio’s reaction and fierce determination. 

Yukio looked back long enough to check the time on the clock on his bedside table. “I still have an hour and a half until my meeting, but I suppose I haven’t done anything to get ready. Still, one more thing before I let you go,” he said as he looked down at Toshiro, who seemed ridiculously comfortable in his arms. He brought one hand to cup his chin, pulling his gaze up to him. The smile Yukio gave him was impossibly tender, and he bent the slight distance to press his lips to Toshiro’s, not at all shocked by the chill that ran through him at the contact.

Toshiro went entirely still at the contact, teal eyes wide and heat rushing to replace whatever cold remained in his body. As Yukio’s lips remained pressed against his, he slowly melted against him, his heart feeling impossibly full. Some part of him still believed that no one would actually physically want him, even though Yukio’s words had indicated that he _did_ want to be with him romantically. His cheeks felt so warm and he knew for certain he was blushing but he couldn’t help it. This was _Yukio,_ beautiful, brilliant Yukio - and he’d just given him his first kiss.

Yukio physically _felt_ the heat fully return to Toshiro’s body, as pressed into him as he still was, and he smiled into the Captain’s lips. Slowly, though he truly didn’t want to, he pulled away, shifting the hand on Toshiro’s chin to instead cup his cheek, which was actually warm to the touch. He almost laughed when he realized Toshiro was actually _blushing,_ and a small chuckle did sneak through his control. “As much as I’d like to linger on that, I do need to get ready for my meeting. It was totally worth it, though, because you are adorable when you blush,” he teased.

His blush actually deepened at the comment, teal eyes narrowing as he retorted, “I am _not_ adorable.”

Yukio really did laugh then. “You _are._ I’m sitting here staring at you right now,” he shot back. But when his smile tamed and he continued to study Toshiro’s face, which was still dusted with a fair amount of pink, he added, “But you’re also smart - brilliantly so - and powerful, and absolutely _gorgeous.”_

“Just - go get ready already,” Toshiro muttered, looking away both to hide his blush and to focus on something other than Yukio as he was making his heart race.

Yukio was highly amused by his evasion and just how easily embarrassed the usually composed man was. “Fine, but I’m going to actually be glad you’re there following me around today. I guess I have been for a while, but now that I’ve actually admitted it, I’ll probably be trying not to smile at you all day. I don’t know if you realize how freeing it is for me to actually own up to emotion for once. I spent my whole life trying not to, and I never really realized what I’ve been missing,” he confessed. He finally unraveled his arms and legs from around Toshiro, but still he didn’t stand. He didn’t really want to, with the smaller man’s weight still leaned into his chest.

Toshiro turned back to face him, Yukio’s admission stirring inside his own heart. Teal eyes softened as he gazed into beautiful emerald, "I haven't really allowed myself to feel much of anything for twenty years. Not deep emotion like I feel for you. I've always been terrified to do so. The last time I had a break like today I plunged my entire Division into a blizzard that lasted a _month._ I'm trusting you to keep yourself safe, to figure this out. I'm _still_ scared of this, of what I feel for you… I'm going to try though. Because I _do_ believe in you - that if anyone can solve this, _you_ can, Yukio." 

Toshiro had brought his own hand to Yukio’s cheek as he spoke, drawing slowly nearer without really realizing. "Also…" Toshiro continued with a bit of amusement, "If you smile at me all day, you're going to kill some of your people - from shock. Although, I admit I love seeing your smile," Toshiro murmured before quickly darting to kiss him on the lips, retreating almost instantly with a dark blush across his cheeks. 

Yukio felt heat spreading on his own cheeks at Toshiro’s actions, but he quickly cleared his throat and averted his eyes. “I understand your concern, Toshiro. I really do. If even your sealed power was that cold, I can’t imagine what would have happened without the seal. But I’m _going_ to figure this out, and until I do I’m going to do everything I can to keep you from worrying about it,” he said, addressing the serious issue Toshiro had mentioned. 

Toshiro realized that Yukio was only more beautiful when he was determined. And decidedly sexy when he blushed. Toshiro may feel self conscious about initiating physical contact - but he thought he could probably get comfortable with doing so quite quickly with Yukio, if seeing him blush was going to be his reward. 

Toshiro sat up, giving Yukio the ability to actually get up himself, asking curiously with a sideways smile, "How are you planning to keep me from worrying? I'm kind of just left to my own thoughts most of the day when you can't acknowledge me. I suppose I could amuse _myself_ more though…" he said, his smile settling into a smirk. 

“Oh? And how are you going to do that? I don’t need my employees thinking the building is haunted, so don’t go around messing with people,” Yukio said with a chuckle as he stood, pulling Toshiro up with him by his waist. It was absolutely endearing that the shinigami was still a few inches shorter than him, though he hadn’t grown more than an inch himself in the past two years, and the thought forced the smile to stay on Yukio’s face.

"That would be irresponsible - I _am_ a Captain. But _you_ can hear me, and honestly I've had to bite my tongue a lot over some of the idiocy you have to deal with. Figured you may appreciate some commentary," Toshiro said with a shrug. 

Yukio shook his head. “You say you’re a _Captain_ like that means you can’t have fun. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if you scared some of them out of there. And if you started commenting on my meetings, that may be too much to ignore. Not that I could ignore you anyway, but I am going to _try_ to keep up appearances,” he replied.

"I usually _can't_ have fun. It's taken a very long time to become respected and not instantly dismissed because of my appearance. I usually have to act far more serious and be more responsible than the rest of the Captains. And some of them _still_ treat me like I'm eleven. Ukitake-taicho practically forces candy on me whenever he visits the Tenth… And if I'm _actually_ distracting I'll stop - I don't want to be a bother or disrupt what you need to do."

Yukio bent to kiss Toshiro’s cheek. “I’ll never treat you like a child, because I know better. We did fight once, and you definitely earned my respect. And, really, you don’t look _that_ much younger than me anyway. So, I _want_ you to loosen up and have fun with me, okay? Because I know you’re not doing it because you’re immature. Honestly, I’d love to see you smile and laugh every time we’re together,” he said, his voice lowering a bit in quiet hope that Toshiro would, at some point, be close enough to him to do those things. Yukio knew there was still some distance, but he was determined to close it.

"It's easier to be more open here, away from Soul Society and my responsibilities, from the expectations placed upon me. I've actually long thought of this - coming here to observe you - as a bit of a vacation from all that. And I've come to really _enjoy_ observing nearly everything you do…" Toshiro admitted, teal eyes directed away and he knew he was blushing - _again._ Why was it so difficult for him to just openly talk to this man? He sighed a bit, continuing, "The most unnerving thing about coming here is the seal, only having access to twenty percent of my power - but I was actually thankful for having it today."

“Really, I think twenty percent of your power is plenty for anything you’d face here,” Yukio said. But a glance at the clock again had his eyes widening. “I really do need to get ready now,” he muttered, though he couldn’t help but add, “I wish I could keep you here, on vacation with me, more often, because I think we could both use some distraction from our thoughts more than a few days out of the month.” He ran a hand through Toshiro’s snow-white hair, holding back the part that usually fell forward to give him access to kiss his forehead.

Toshiro was certain he hadn't blushed this much in his life but he was also certain he'd never been exposed to this much physical affection that didn't originate from Shiba-taicho or Rangiku - and they just didn't count because he'd been a child to them. Rangiku could be serious when necessary but he knew she still saw him as her Captain _and_ her little brother. She likely always would and that was fine. But Yukio’s attention was different. It flipped his stomach and made his heart rate quicken. "I wish you could too," Toshiro murmured, a shy smile on his lips as he felt a fluttering sensation in his chest. Honestly - this had to be the fault of his body's hormones because he was _far_ too old to be reacting this way. Even if he was unused to the attention. 

Yukio’s heart felt like it completely stopped when Toshiro smiled. He just wanted to _hold_ this man all day and make him smile. “I don’t want to let you go, but I have to get ready now,” Yukio whispered, closing his arms around Toshiro for a few more moments before releasing him to prepare for his day.

Toshiro watched him with fond teal eyes, walking over and sitting upon the edge of the bed to be comfortable and out of his way. He watched as he got ready, as he always did when he was here - except this time there was a small smile on his face that wouldn’t fade as his eyes followed him. 

Yukio caught Toshiro’s constant gaze several times as he moved about the room, the only time he wasn’t within his sight being when he went out to the bathroom to shower. When he returned, he was a bit hyper aware that he made a habit of walking from the bathroom back to the bedroom in only his boxers. While this wasn’t _usually_ a problem, when he was seeing Toshiro as more an inconvenience than a friend - or perhaps a bit more - he felt a heavy blush warm his face when he caught sight of Toshiro still sitting on the bed when he came back into the bedroom. He dressed a bit more hastily, mentally blaming it on the time and not on the fact that he was mostly exposed. After all, this _shouldn’t_ be a problem. Toshiro had been watching him perform his daily routine for two years. 

Still, he was well aware of the difference. He didn’t know if Toshiro was, or if he even felt as deeply for him as Yukio was starting to feel for him, but Yukio did know one thing - he was _going_ to do something about his age. If that meant constant, unrelenting research that consumed his entire life, he was willing to do that. Because he was quickly realizing he would do most anything for Toshiro. He wanted to make him laugh, and smile, and have fun, but he also wanted him to feel safe, free to be himself, and cared for. 

_Loved_ , even. 

Because it was rather obvious to Yukio now… 

He was starting to _love_ Toshiro. 

And he wouldn't fail. There wasn't a puzzle in existence that he couldn't solve. 


	2. Chapter 2

**__ **

**_Chapter 2:[Be Kind](https://youtu.be/ePao0cTGG-o)_ **

Yukio didn’t want to let Toshiro go when the time came, and he spent the remainder of that month in his usual emotional neutrality. At least, that was what he let everyone believe, and no one questioned him. Truly, he _missed_ Toshiro now, and every night he went to sleep alone and woke up alone, and he found himself counting the days until he would return. He occupied himself, of course. His work couldn’t stop, and he had to have a good amount of focus to address the issues Toshiro had presented when airing his anxieties of having a relationship with him. 

_That_ took time - a massive amount of time. He was poring over his own abilities every spare moment, really just _hoping_ he would find something - some hidden function - that would keep him from aging, or alter his age, or _something._ But that was only one problem, and really it was the least of his worries. 

Toshiro’s power was absolutely massive, and he knew that. If Yukio _were_ to ever be exposed to it fully, unrestrained as it flowed freely from Toshiro’s rampant emotions, it would kill him. He didn’t doubt that. He knew he could place Toshiro in a pocket dimension. That was too easy. But then he would be _alone_ there, and that was unacceptable. So, he would need to devise a way to get _himself_ into that world with him. He had never done it, except that brief time when his powers were altered and he could project his digital world into the real world, and that ability had been stripped of him, limiting him again to his PSP. 

Finally, the time came for Toshiro to return, and Yukio eagerly awaited his arrival, immediately taking him in his arms when he ghosted through the wall. And, while Toshiro seemed pleased to be back, he also seemed a bit… different. 

Well, not different than usual. Really, somewhat reverted back to his normal self - closed off, non communicative, uninterested. Thank goodness he at least wasn’t _rejecting_ him. Every chance they got, Yukio had him in his arms, usually on the bed, his back against the headboard with Toshiro cuddled into his chest. But he seemed hesitant to _talk_ to him. As this was rather expected of the icy Captain, Yukio decided not to mention it. It was nice, just having him in his arms, his weight against him calming him and making him feel less lonely, even if no words passed between them. He even kissed him occasionally, usually just before Yukio decided to sleep for the night. The contact was reassuring, but Toshiro’s lack of willingness to communicate was unnerving enough that it was actually setting Yukio back into his usual passive attitude as well. 

So, while they were frequently touching, and Yukio didn’t doubt that Toshiro still at least wanted to consider a relationship with him, the silence was actually getting under his skin a bit. 

But he allowed two months to pass… 

And then three… 

And still Toshiro was the same, cutting himself off verbally and emotionally and only responding to topics of conversation that didn’t actually _mean_ anything. All Yukio got was some empty physical contact, and he didn’t understand why Toshiro was distancing himself. Perhaps it was all the time apart that was wearing on him. He _did_ say he didn’t enjoy being left to his own thoughts. Another piece of the puzzle that Yukio was determined to fix. 

So another month passed, and four months of manipulating and exploiting every aspect of his Fullbring had paid off. Yukio had full confidence that every single one of Toshiro’s worries had been addressed. Now, the task was getting Toshiro to actually _talk_ about it. He couldn’t very well show him any of this if he was unwilling to let him. 

“I’ve been expanding my abilities over the last few months,” Yukio commented quietly. They were sitting on the bed as usual, the evening rather early, as Yukio had just arrived home from work not even an hour ago. Toshiro was simply _allowing_ Yukio to hold him this way at this point. He wasn’t actively nuzzling into his chest, wasn’t looking up at him, wasn’t really looking content at all. His eyes were focused on the wall across the room, and he seemed lost in thought, as he was more and more frequently as the months passed. Yukio ran a gentle hand up and down Toshiro’s back, hoping it would bring him some comfort, but knowing the sentiment was likely in vain at this point. 

Toshiro didn’t really even feel the touch to his back or hear the words, too focused on the fact that Yukio was here - _alive_ \- while at the same time desperately trying to wall up his emotions. It was exceptionally difficult to do when he was actually being held by the man like this, Toshiro being forced to nearly completely ignore him to do so. Because he didn’t want to have another breakdown, and he’d been at the edge of one for the past few months.

Ever since he’d had to return to Soul Society and leave Yukio behind.

That month was torturous to him. He’d actually felt good - _happy_ even - for almost that entire first week. But then he’d lost a member of his Division to a mission. He knew each and every soul under his command - after all, if they were going to follow him and risk their lives for him, that was the least he could do - and should they fall, he _always_ made it his duty to personally investigate their death, to determine how it happened, and to attempt to make sure such a thing was never repeated. The shinigami had died in Living World to a rather crafty hollow. The hollow had been nothing for Toshiro to handle but his late squad recruit hadn’t had the experience nor power Toshiro had at his disposal. 

Neither did Yukio.

The experience sharply reminded him of just how dangerous even Living World could be. And while Yukio was extremely powerful, that power was narrowed, and barely usable outside the dimensions he created within his PSP. He even went through periods of time when he was entirely vulnerable, when his PSP had to charge. He couldn’t access his power during that time, the console needing battery power before shutting down and automatically kicking whatever Yukio had loaded into it. So while theoretically he _could_ deal with any hollow attracted to him by his high spiritual pressure, his ability to do so in _practice_ was limited to the state of that rather fragile device. Toshiro had no idea what would happen if the thing actually _broke._ Would he merely need to learn to channel his powers through a new medium - or would he lose them entirely? 

That was the first night he dreamt of Yukio dying - and he’d woken up completely surrounded by snow. 

It was just a _dream_ \- Yukio was _fine_ \- but even that had been enough for him to lose partial control over his power. He had next to no control over his emotions after confessing to Yukio concerning the man - positive or negative - and he _couldn’t_ allow that. He’d put his whole Division at risk. So he tried to wall off how he felt about him while he was in Soul Society, but every few nights he would still dream of Yukio dying and the cycle would repeat. The worst dreams were when it was by his own power, Yukio freezing before his eyes, ice encasing him slowly and there was nothing Toshiro could do. And that _really_ could happen - he froze anyone that touched him when his full power leaked from him. 

It was exhausting. 

Toshiro didn’t _want_ to be this way, he’d never hated his own power more. Maybe if he were older his body could contain it like it _should_ but that would take decades. He didn’t have that long with Yukio. Hyourinmaru had often alluded to that fact, that his power would settle more as he aged - he even had to _forcibly_ age him to wield his full bankai. 

But that still left the problem of time. And that wasn’t something that you could just _solve._ Toshiro knew that painfully well, having to endure adolescence at a snail’s pace. Hyourinmaru always counseled patience, and Toshiro had been. But he couldn’t afford to just _wait_ like that anymore. Yukio wouldn’t live that long, naturally, even if nothing else happened to him. 

So really for _everyone’s_ safety, Toshiro was closing himself off. He didn’t know how to explain that to Yukio, and he was dreading the inevitable conversation. Because he’d grown to love him, and he really _wanted_ to be with him. 

But like he had tried to tell him before, what _he_ wanted _never_ mattered. 

So Toshiro continued to stare at the wall. He was still noting everything Yukio did, observing him like he was supposed to be doing, but he wasn’t really responding to him anymore - because he didn’t think he could without that fragile wall he’d built completely shattering. And he had no idea what emotions he had caged behind it. 

Yukio gave Toshiro a half hour of silence before he realized it was actually quite frustrating. He had just tried to tell him that he had been working on using his abilities to help him - to help _them._ And he was actually _ignoring_ him. Toshiro had cut himself off to the point that he didn’t even seem to care about the massive upheaval Yukio had accomplished, and Yukio was beginning to question whether it was all worth it if _this_ was the response he was going to receive for his efforts. 

“Toshiro, did you even hear me? I’m right here and it seems like you’re not listening. Although, I guess you haven’t been listening much at all for the past couple months, have you? You probably don’t even realize that I’m trying to tell you what progress I’ve made to help _us_ be together,” the angry words just spilled when he started speaking, and there was nothing he could do to take them back now. Not that he would want to. None of it was untrue. 

It was really the _tone_ of Yukio’s voice that broke through. Yukio was _angry_ with him, and really he had every right to be. Toshiro knew that he was terrible for him - dangerous even - and he knew this was impossible from the start. But he’d _hoped_ that they could make this work. Because he _desperately_ wanted it to. Yukio didn’t deserve this though. This ice. But Toshiro knew, better than he wanted to admit, how thin that ice actually was. 

He _couldn’t_ have this conversation, he wasn’t remotely in the right headspace for it - even if he likely never would be. He curled into himself a bit, protective - of himself or Yukio he didn’t know - and leaned away from him, trying to create more distance between them as that fragile wall of ice around his emotions started to crack at Yukio’s own heated words.

Yukio felt a bit of emptiness open in his heart when Toshiro actually physically moved away from him. This was _not_ a response he was tolerating, though. Not after everything he had done. He brought his hand up to Toshiro’s chin, coaxing him to look at him, but Toshiro wasn’t even accepting of the action. “Toshiro, if you’d just _listen,_ you wouldn’t be acting like this,” Yukio insisted, his hand never leaving Toshiro’s chin, hoping he would let the light pressure guide his eyes up to him. 

Toshiro knew if he actually looked into those emerald eyes that he wasn’t going to be able to continue hiding from him. He would break. He shut his own eyes, his heart clenching in his chest as he whispered out, “I’m so sorry, Yukio. I just can’t…” His words abruptly stopped, not really knowing what exactly it was he _couldn’t_ do, and honestly scared of what the answer was. Couldn’t look at him? Couldn’t listen? Couldn’t talk? Couldn’t _be here_ with him? He was starting to shake even as he tried to push the thoughts away. He _wanted_ to be here, he _wanted_ to be _with Yukio_ \- but what if simply he _couldn’t…_

Yukio’s heart dropped at the combination of Toshiro’s words, strained tone, and actions. “What are you saying, Toshiro? You can’t look at me and hear what I’m trying to tell you? If you did, you’d realize that everything’s going to be alright. I haven’t been sitting on my hands for four months, and I thought you knew that. Do you think, because I’m human, I’ll never be strong enough to handle you at your worst? Because I think I can,” Yukio really couldn’t help the frustrated edge in his voice. Toshiro was only putting _more_ distance between them, like he really didn’t even hear the words Yukio was speaking, and Yukio was _not_ going to accept that. He had worked too hard for Toshiro to give up. 

Toshiro’s eyes widened at the last sentence, hearing the frustration and determination in Yukio’s voice, certain he would _try_ and terrified of killing him. Toshiro shook his head, disrupting Yukio’s hold on his chin, “You _can’t_ Yukio - I _can’t_ risk that, I _can’t_ risk you. I just end up hurting anyone that gets near me - it’s amazing I haven’t _actually_ killed anyone yet. But I’ve come close. You make me lose control of myself, Yukio - and I _can’t_ not be in control of myself. It’s too dangerous, please, you promised…” Toshiro said, his voice breaking towards the end, tears starting to slip from his eyes as he clenched them. He _couldn’t_ put Yukio into that danger - the danger he was in now, even with the seal over his heart, locking away eighty percent of his power.

“I promised I wouldn’t let myself get hurt. I never promised I wouldn’t be here for you, because I knew I could never see you go through this alone,” Yukio reminded him, some of his anger falling away. Still, he knew Toshiro didn’t truly grasp what he was trying to tell him, and he had actually directly retorted Yukio’s confidence in his own abilities. _That_ struck a nerve. 

“You shouldn’t tell me what I can and can’t do, especially when you haven’t been paying enough attention to see what I’ve been accomplishing. I would have shown you already, but you’ve been trapped in this… silence ever since you came back the first time. You’ll understand, though, when you finally pull yourself together, that I was being very serious when I said I was going to figure this out,” he said, the determination returning to his voice as he stared at the side of Toshiro’s face. When he saw the tears, though, he had to do something. So, he leaned up to meet him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his hair. He was already getting colder, but that really didn’t concern Yukio. He _knew_ he could handle this. 

As Yukio brought him in closer, wrapping his body tight around him and burying his face into his hair, the wall inside Toshiro completely shattered. He didn’t understand why Yukio was still here - he offered him next to nothing - and he _wasn’t_ letting him go. The emotion welled up inside him, both overjoyed and completely terrified, his power instantly reacting to his fear, trying to strike out at what was hurting him. 

But only Yukio was there, the thought causing him to panic more as his power responded far stronger than it _should_ have been able to. He desperately brought his hands to open his shihakusho enough so that his chest was visible, despairing at the sight of the seal. The ink of the daffodil wasn’t the clear black it should be - there were _cracks._ And those cracks were _expanding._ The seal was going to fail and there wasn’t a single thing Toshiro could do at this point to stop it. He turned, terrified teal eyes locking with emerald, his breath already visible as he whispered out in despair, “Yukio, _please - let me go.”_

Yukio’s eyes flashed to the seal, but the sight of it failing only made him more determined. “No,” he replied stubbornly. He immediately reached back onto the bedside table for his PSP, keeping his hold on Toshiro with his other arm. He gave the quick command to activate his Fullbring, and as soon as the screen populated an empty dimension, a rapid button combination had them both being loaded into the world inside the console. 

When they arrived, it didn’t seem to Yukio that Toshiro was even aware of what had happened, but Yukio kept his hold around him, now not even feeling the bracing cold his body was producing. The success of the damage regulation only made Yukio more confident, and he curled his body around Toshiro’s as his incredible power continued to uncontrollably seep out of him. 

Toshiro had closed his eyes and curled into himself even more as soon as Yukio refused to leave him. He couldn’t watch him die, watch him freeze around him, right before his eyes. He didn’t know Yukio had even drawn them into one of his pocket dimensions, sure that he was slowly killing him. 

More tears came, and Toshiro couldn’t stop them if he tried, though they couldn’t even properly fall, freezing upon his face and cheeks. “Yukio -” Toshiro sobbed out, “You need to stop - I can’t lose you - I… I’m so sorry I can’t control this… I’m sorry that I always fail at protecting the people I love… I wasn’t there for Ran when she needed me the most - didn’t even know how hurt she was over Gin and all I did was _train_ \- trying to master my power, my bankai… If I just had more control - I could have saved Momo, I could have seen through such obvious manipulations, but I… I nearly killed her… I ran her through with my _own_ sword, wielded by my _own_ hands… _Twice…_

“And Grandma… I didn’t even know I was killing her while I slept… Her entire illness was because of _my_ power… If Ran hadn’t found me - if she hadn’t made me aware of what I was doing… She would have died. This power - it only _hurts_ people Yukio - it’s _lethal_ and I’m _not_ strong enough to wield it completely. Not yet. I’m so, so sorry… Please Yukio, please I - I can’t lose you - Please don’t die…”

Yukio heard every word, the despair in Toshiro’s heart painfully clear. He had no idea just how much Toshiro was blaming himself for, even though he didn’t _choose_ to have this power, and Yukio was sure none of those people blamed him, because he knew _he_ didn’t blame him. Even if he _had_ been freezing to death in the growing cold, he never would have blamed Toshiro. 

But he wasn’t, and Toshiro didn’t even have the presence of mind to look. The way Toshiro was losing himself, crying uncontrollably, had tears running down Yukio’s cheeks. He never wanted to see him like this, never wanted him to feel this depth of guilt and utter despair again. As a small attempt to let him know he wasn’t hurting him, Yukio held him tighter, bringing one hand up to disrupt the frost that had gathered on Toshiro’s hair, the thin layer melting against his warm hand. “I’m still here, Toshiro,” he said, gently but still rather firmly, hoping his voice could reach him. 

Toshiro wasn’t even hearing him though, couldn’t feel anything anymore through the ice creeping over his skin. The seal was completely shattered and Toshiro had been holding this back for so long, it simply needed to be rode out at this point. But even though _Toshiro_ wasn’t aware of what was happening around him, _Hyourinmaru_ was, and with so much of their raw power pooling around his master, it was easy to manifest himself physically. There was no need for his master to despair so much, his chosen partner was more than fine, completely unaffected by their ice. He was so focused on Toshiro, Hyourinmaru was certain the young man hadn’t noticed him yet, but Hyourinmaru’s deep, commanding voice had reached his master before when he was in this state, so he _had_ to try. “Master, you need to open your eyes. Your Yukio is fine. You’re not hurting him. You _can’t_ hurt him here.”

Yukio tensed around Toshiro’s body at the sound of another voice, the voice of someone he wasn’t aware he had let into this dimension. When his eyes darted up to investigate, he was stricken breathless by the man that stood next to them. Yukio thought _Toshiro’s_ eyes could freeze the summer, but this man… he obviously wasn’t really a man at all, with the power he exuded. And the way he addressed Toshiro… this _had_ to be… “Hyourinmaru,” Yukio breathed out the name, trembling a bit, not from the cold, but from the sheer amount of unadulterated strength the spirit portrayed. 

Eyes the color of ice darted to emerald green, Hyourinmaru’s voice like a roll of thunder as he spoke, the dragon he actually was just beneath the surface in this form, “You’ve done well, young one. You’ve managed to solve most of this puzzle, haven’t you?” Hyourinmaru knelt next to the pair, observing them together, approval in his eyes. His master had chosen well - this young man was clearly strong enough for him and cared about him deeply.

Hyourinmaru slowly reached towards his master, not wanting to concern the young man still holding him so tightly against him, Hyourinmaru’s hand really a claw encased in pure ice that extended up his entire forearm. The ice flexed with his movement, breaking and freezing instantly around his claws as he cupped his master’s face, his voice adamant as he said, “Master, _open your eyes.”_

Toshiro’s eyes shot open at the demand. “Hyourinmaru…” he murmured, looking to find his icy silver eyes piercing him. “What? Why are you here?”

“You were losing yourself, master,” Hyourinmaru stated. “There’s no need. You can let go, you don’t have to try to hold back our power. Just look, master - your Yukio is fine. He can handle it and you cannot hurt him here.” 

Toshiro turned his attention to Yukio who was _still alive._ He didn’t even look _cold,_ let alone encased in ice. Hyourinmaru’s hand dropped from his face as he moved but Toshiro was too focused on beautiful emerald eyes to notice. Beautiful, _alive,_ emerald eyes. “How…” Toshiro asked him, a small smile surfacing as relief flooded through him. He didn’t even realize he was doing as Hyourinmaru said, allowing his power to release fully. Ice formed in sheets over his arms and legs but still Yukio held him, seemingly unaffected. 

Yukio smiled, the expression softer than it had ever been before. Seeing the relief flood Toshiro, and seeing the effects of his rising power actually brought him a great deal of peace. Because he still wasn’t feeling _any_ of it. “I learned how to completely negate any damage done to my body in my pocket dimensions. You literally _can’t_ hurt me as long as we’re here,” Yukio explained, bringing a hand to cup Toshiro’s cheek, the heat leaving a place clear of the frost that threatened to encompass him again. 

Toshiro released a shaky breath as he raised a hand to tentatively touch Yukio’s face, his fingertips a gentle pressure against the warm skin. The ice upon his fingertips thawed at the contact, small trails of water slipping down Yukio’s cheek and Toshiro couldn’t help but laugh at the sight, even more relief flooding his body. “Such a simple solution,” Toshiro said quietly, amazed at what he was seeing before focusing back on emerald eyes, “You’re incredible, Yukio.”

“I would do anything for you, Toshiro,” Yukio whispered, leaning in to press his lips to Toshiro’s forehead before moving down to claim his lips, so incredibly relieved that he could. Toshiro wasn’t the only one who was ridiculously happy this had worked. Yukio hadn’t been able to test his ability with anything more than his own power, so he had shown confidence in it when there was a sliver of a chance that Toshiro’s strength could have broken through. The important thing was that it didn’t, and Yukio still had the icy Captain in his arms, feeling his own warmth thaw the thin, cracked layer of ice that had settled on Toshiro’s lips. 

Toshiro melted against his kiss, as he always did, his power settling around him as his emotions leveled and he became convinced he _couldn’t_ hurt Yukio. As his fear subsided, so did the aggressive nature of his ice. The excess power that remained flowed out gently, bringing with it a light snowfall. Hyourinmaru smiled at the two, moving to sit seiza upon the floor, happy to actually see his master _happy._

Yukio felt his own heart settling from being painfully clenched in his chest through the ordeal, relaxing as Toshiro melted, literally and figuratively, under his touch. When he pulled away, he looked up at the snow that gently fell around them, settling and beginning to accumulate in the alternate dimension. He held Toshiro closely to him, not even slightly willing to let him go. He felt a slight chill from him, as he had the entire time, but more than that hadn’t slipped by his protection. Just the fact that he was still cold, though, told him that he needed to give him more time, and Yukio would give him all the time he needed. “You’re so beautiful, Toshiro. Your _power_ is beautiful,” he whispered, still watching the snow, following it with his eyes as it collected in Toshiro’s hair, disappearing in the white strands that matched it perfectly.

Beautiful? Toshiro turned, taking in the sight of the light snowfall, teal eyes wide at the calm release of his power. He’d never seen this before, his ice always so lethal and aggressive. At this potency, he had no idea it could be so… serene. Yukio was right, it actually was rather beautiful.

“It is because _you_ are at peace within _yourself_ that your power has taken this form,” Hyourinmaru answered his unasked question. “You have held onto that fear, since before you could even properly hear my voice. More than any enemy, you’ve feared _yourself._ Your power reacts to that emotion, turning sharp and aggressive to protect you, and with no real enemy it strikes at whoever is closest to you. But now that you’ve let that go, this is really how it appears. You have a gentle heart, master, your power reflects it. It is true that as you mature, it will become easier to wield, but if you fully accept it - accept it as a part of you - and _forgive_ yourself, you’ll have no reason to fear it as you do.”

Yukio had actually forgotten Hyourinmaru was even present, his deep, level voice snapping his attention away from Toshiro for a moment as he spoke. His words were encouraging, though. As he brought emerald eyes back down to meet with teal, he was glad to see that much of the ice around and on him had thawed, and the snow was taking its place as they sat unmoving under the gentle but steady snowfall. “I hope you see now, Toshiro… you don’t have to hide anything from me. You don’t have to close yourself off. You can cry to me, confide in me, and I’ll stay by your side,” Yukio said gently, kissing him lightly. “I love you, Toshiro,” he whispered.

Teal eyes became happy and soft at Yukio’s words, his lips forming a warm smile, the feeling odd but so unbelievably good. Yukio _loved_ him. He’d taken the brunt of his power, completely unrestrained, and he was _fine._ He hadn’t hurt him. And he wanted to stay with him, even after everything Toshiro had put him through. 

“I love you, Yukio,” he whispered, “How could I not? I’ve never felt more like myself than when I’m with you, that I really can open myself up - and you’re still here. I’ve given you every reason to hate me, to distance yourself as far from me as you could, and yet I _know_ you love me. You’ve been working these past few months just to make sure that we could actually be together. We’ll have other obstacles to figure out but you have no idea the peace _this_ has given to me - that you can actually be with me at my full power and you’re _safe.”_

His voice became hesitant, but he believed Yukio when he said he could confide in him, so he forced the reluctant words, “I… I don’t want to leave you, Yukio. Not even for a single night… I - I’ve been having constant night terrors of your death… It got so consistent that I could see it every time I closed my eyes… I don’t do well with my own thoughts… I’m so sorry I tried to distance myself from you - I just didn’t know how to deal with that and I was starting to lose control in my sleep again, like I used to when I was young. I _can’t_ put my Division in danger. I’m fine now… But I’m worried what will happen if you’re not there…” Toshiro trailed off, his eyes becoming a bit anxious at the thought.

Yukio couldn’t help but smile. Toshiro really had no idea what he had been doing for the past four months. “I have more to show you, and more to tell you, if you want to know now and you’re willing to stay here for a while. You’re not too cold, are you? I can manipulate everything here, if you need anything,” Yukio offered.

Toshiro shook his head at the question, “I don’t really ever _feel cold_ myself, Yukio. I know I _am_ cold compared to you, but you just feel really warm. My body temperature drops to near absolute zero in my mature bankai. It’s actually very relaxing to not be holding back my power, to let it flow out of me like this. My body can’t contain it within me yet so I’m constantly having to restrain it. It’s very draining, honestly. I want to know everything, though, that you have to show me. I’m willing to stay here with you as long as you are, Yukio,” Toshiro answered, the small smile still on his lips.

Yukio nodded, shifting to hold Toshiro more comfortably against his chest. “So, I’ve actually figured out _everything_ you needed from me. I’ve learned how to manipulate the fast forward option I’ve used before to help people train, and now I can go backwards, too. And everything that happens here sticks in the real world. If it didn’t, there wouldn’t be any point in training here. So, if I use the rewind function on a _person_ , I can actually reverse their age. So, now that I have both functions, I could put either of us forward or backward in time, and it would stick in the real world,” he explained first.

“You can _choose_ our age… And we’ll remain that way… Even after we leave…” Toshiro murmured, his eyes wide. “You… You won’t grow old while I stay this way…” As that realization fully hit him, Toshiro brought his hands up to bury them in Yukio’s fine blond hair, leaning up to press his lips firmly against his, relief flooding through him. Yukio could be with him while he wasn’t restraining his power - and he could _continue_ to be with him - _forever._

Yukio smiled into Toshiro’s lips, returning his passion and sliding a hand into his hair. He could have stayed there forever, drinking in the pure relief and happiness in Toshiro’s touch. But he still had more to tell him, so he slowly pulled away. “I don’t think you realize how seriously I took this. I didn’t want there to be _anything_ keeping us apart,” he whispered, still smiling at just how relaxed Toshiro was. And he was sure he wouldn’t have any reason to let go of that peace by the time he was finished here. 

“Anything…” Toshiro said, his brain working to identify the next problem. “Your work - you’re _human._ Even if we _can_ be together right now, here, our lives divide us. I can’t leave my responsibilities in Soul Society - I’m only here at all because of this ridiculous mission. And you’re needed _here_ for the other Fullbringers. I know you wouldn’t abandon them. I… I would still have to spend most nights by myself…” Concern spread across his face, thinking back on how awful it was to wake up, having dreamt of Yukio dying and not having any way of immediately checking that he was alright. It had happened here too, a couple times, but he’d been able to settle immediately seeing him asleep upon the bed.

Yukio brought both hands up to hold Toshiro’s face, looking rather sternly into his eyes. “I said _anything_ and that’s what I meant. Riruka has agreed to take over daily responsibilities for my company. I can come back on your usual mission days to check on things. If anything is needed from me other than that, I plan to work remotely… from Soul Society. I can seal myself in this pocket dimension, and you can take me with you. No one would ever know I was there, and I could be with you every day when you come home and every night when you go to sleep and every morning when you wake up.”

Toshiro could tell Yukio was being entirely serious. He glanced over to Hyourinmaru, who once again answered his question before he voiced it, “If he is in the device that acts as a medium for his Fullbring, you should be able to safely transport him through the senkaimon without any trouble. Your Yukio has very high spiritual pressure, but it is easily masked by your own. Your home is very private and remote, and your entire Division knows not to venture near for their own safety. In reality, if he is with you, I do not think you will have any more severe episodes with your power. But the reputation is advantageous in this case. 

“I believe he will go unnoticed, and he will not suffer living in Soul Society. He can withstand your spiritual pressure, even outside of this dimension, and I am confident he will not have a problem with anyone else's - especially at a distance. I would also advise informing your lieutenant. She will know something is different, immediately, and it will be better to have her on your side, _helping_ you conceal his presence rather than actively working to _discover_ it.”

Toshiro nodded, knowing he was entirely correct, as always. “Thank you, Hyourinmaru. I always value your advice and wisdom. And thank you for pulling me out of my own mind earlier,” Toshiro said respectfully. He may be Hyourinmaru’s master, but the dragon had been a mentor to him ever since he was able to finally talk with him. He valued the bond they shared immensely and he was happy to know he approved of having Yukio as a part of their lives. 

“Of course, master,” Hyourinmaru responded, bowing his head to him. Toshiro smiled, reaching out and placing his hand upon the soft, teal hair. As cold as Hyourinmaru seemed, he actually greatly enjoyed affection - even in his dragon form - something Toshiro had always indulged. He was his perfect inverse; as tall as Toshiro was small, the color of his eyes as frosted as Toshiro’s hair, and his own hair the same color as Toshiro’s brilliant teal eyes.

Yukio couldn’t help but smile at the two of them, highly grateful to have Hyourinmaru’s approval. “So, you’re alright with that, Toshiro? And if anything does happen, I can pull you in here, and no one will get hurt. You could actually train in here, if you’d like, with no risk to anyone. The important thing, though, is that I realized you didn’t need time alone, so I figured out a way for us to be together as much as we possibly could. Any other advantages that come from that are just perks,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Of course I’m alright with that, Yukio - you’ve given me everything I could have possibly needed to know this will work. You’re amazing…” Toshiro looked at him with an incredibly fond expression before he blushed, realizing, “I - I haven’t actually introduced you to Hyourinmaru. This is my zanpakuto spirit, and he’s been with me most of my life.” 

Hyourinmaru raised his head again as his master’s hand was removed from his hair, calm silvery eyes that didn’t look remotely human locking with emerald green. He offered his hand, something he would _never_ have done to anyone other than his master, the ice cracking and reforming around his claws as he extended the fingers of his hand into a shape that the young man could actually shake. Within this dimension, he wasn’t concerned about being able to freeze him, which would have usually happened to anyone he touched that was not his master. “Thank you for everything you have done for my master, I am Hyourinmaru,” the dragon said regally, his voice deep and rumbling.

Yukio was actually baffled that the spirit was offering his hand, fearful of what may happen if he touched it. After all, his own power wasn’t limitless, and he knew Hyourinmaru was stronger than his master, as ridiculous as that was to think, considering how powerful Toshiro was. But he trusted Hyourinmaru, somehow. So, Yukio removed a hand from Toshiro to reach out and shake the clawed hand, letting out a relieved breath when he felt only a rather strong chill at the contact. 

“I believe you know quite a bit about me already, so it actually feels rather silly to offer my name, but it also feels rude not to. So I’m Yukio Hans Vorarlberna. Thank you… for trusting me with your master. It’s obvious that you care about him, so I’m honored that you’re willing to let me care for him,” Yukio said, keeping his tone unintentionally reverent. The being before him was extravagant, and he couldn’t help but admire him. 

Toshiro watched in amazement as Yukio actually _touched_ Hyourinmaru - he _shook his hand_ \- and was _still fine._ If he wasn’t convinced that he wouldn’t be able to hurt him before, he definitely was now. He looked at Hyourinmaru, seeing the sly smile, and understood that was exactly the _point._ Toshiro gave him a small smile in return, knowing Hyourinmaru would understand his gratitude. 

Hyourinmaru released Yukio’s hand, saying confidently, “Master chose you, I merely approved of his choice. It was well made. I am certain you will take good care of him. You have already proven yourself more than capable of that. I have always wished my master would find someone who could do so. And you have fulfilled that wish.” Hyourinmaru turned his head slightly, watching the snow as it continued to softly fall around them. “I had always wished for this freedom, this peace.” He turned back to Yukio, the sincerity in his words clear, “Thank you.”

Hyourinmaru locked eyes with his master’s teal one last time before bowing his head slightly and fading back into his inner world. Toshiro hummed in contentment, turning to nuzzle into Yukio’s neck, placing a soft kiss upon his skin there. Now that he’d allowed his reiatsu the freedom, his own body was gaining back it’s warmth and Yukio didn’t feel so hot against his lips. The snow still fell softly around them but he wasn’t concerned about it anymore. He had his Yukio, and his Yukio was _safe_ with him. He would _always_ have him, _every night_ he was going to stay by his side. “Love you,” Toshiro whispered against his neck, continuing to softly press his lips against the skin, loving his comforting warmth against him.

Yukio smiled and wrapped his arms firmly around Toshiro again, loving how they fit together. “Love you,” he replied softly, lowering his face to press a kiss to Toshiro’s hair. Yukio could have sat there forever, relishing the peace and comfortable silence between them. So contrary to the silence that had surrounded them in the prior months, and they would never have to go back to that strained distance again. “Would you like to see the age manipulation? It’s actually kind of fun to play around with,” Yukio suggested with a light laugh. 

Toshiro blushed a bit, saying softly, “I actually _do_ know what I look like as a full adult… Hyourinmaru can force me into that form for a period of time and I dislike when he does so… But it would probably feel far better without the strain he places upon my body to accomplish that… So sure, we can, but - I look quite different.”

Yukio’s eyes widened for a moment, pulling back from Toshiro to look into those gorgeous teal eyes. “I, um, okay… I didn’t know that. Let me… get to the controls,” he said, actually a bit nervous now at the warning. He swiped his left hand in a downward motion, opening a holographic menu with options the likes of which he had no idea existed four months ago. Honestly, it had taken quite a bit of time to figure out how to access the menu once he figured out how to get _himself_ into this dimension. Before he discovered it, he feared he had trapped himself inside indefinitely.

“Alright… gameplay controls… speed… fast forward,” Yukio muttered as he went through the submenus. “Okay, let’s stand up, and I’ll apply the option to you,” he instructed, unwrapping himself from Toshiro and bringing them both to their feet. “Ready?”

Toshiro tried to not be nervous, putting his trust in Yukio. When Hyourinmaru did this, it hurt - _a lot._ But Yukio hadn't seen fit to warn him to expect any pain and so he tried to relax, to not brace for it, though that was actually a very difficult response to control. Beyond that though… He knew Yukio adored this form, how he fit in his arms. He said as much, fairly often. He honestly hoped Yukio wasn’t disappointed that he was so much taller, fully grown. And if he was, it wasn't like it would be difficult now to keep him always smaller than Yukio. Toshiro would do so, for him - wouldn't mind at all - he was fairly certain he'd do anything for the beautiful blonde at this point. He nodded, taking a deep breath, his voice forcibly certain, "I'm ready."

Yukio set the time dilation properly to ensure that Toshiro would be the _right_ age when he applied it. With another glance at Toshiro, he took a step back and tapped the button at the bottom of the menu to apply the changes. When he looked back up from the menu, he had to swallow a gasp. Toshiro was _tall,_ and _mature,_ and… not at all himself, really. He hadn’t been lying - he looked extremely different. But Yukio would be lying if he didn’t admit that he was absolutely gorgeous. Toshiro always was. But the sharpness in his eyes, the overall maturity of his features, aged in a way that just accentuated every perfect angle of his face - it all drew Yukio’s gaze and he really couldn’t look away.

Toshiro breathed out in relief that the process hadn't hurt at all. It had been instantaneous, one moment he was his usual, small self, and the next he could tell he was in his fully adult body. This form always felt odd to him, even disorienting for a moment with the extreme difference in height. The sudden change to how he had to balance made him almost nauseous but he quickly recovered from that. The absence of the immense pain that usually accompanied this made everything else very minor inconveniences. He opened his eyes to find Yukio _staring_ at him. He brought his arms to fold in the opposite sleeves in front of his chest - a habit he had when he needed to comfort himself - as he said quietly, "It definitely works."

Yukio nodded, still not able to tear his eyes from Toshiro’s face, which he had to look up to quite a bit like this. “I, um… I’m not sure that this would help you be able to contain the power of your bankai, but, I mean… Why _wouldn’t_ you want to stay like this? Not that… I mean, you’re perfect either way, I just… never mind,” Yukio trailed off, knowing he had to be blushing as his eyes wandered down Toshiro’s body, not that much was really visible in his shihakusho, but still… it was nice to look at.

Toshiro just blinked a bit at Yukio’s quite flustered reaction, saying, "Usually this form is very painful for me. But the way you aged me, there isn't any, so I don't really mind it. Are you… Do you _like_ me like this, Yukio?" 

“You’re _gorgeous,_ and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. But I also like being able to hold you the way I do now. Maybe, I mean, I don’t know… maybe I’d like _being_ held, too. It’s not like you really _can_ stay this way permanently, but here we can do whatever we want,” Yukio pointed out. 

Toshiro gave him a small smile, opening his arms towards him and saying gently, "I'd love to hold you, Yukio. Come here."

Yukio didn’t hesitate to take the offer. He was still Toshiro, even if he felt like he was looking at someone else. But once he was enveloped in his arms, all those thoughts fled his mind. He definitely _was_ still Toshiro. There was no mistaking his touch, and Yukio melted into it, bringing his arms up to wrap around Toshiro’s back, pressing his cheek into his chest and giving a contented sigh. “I definitely like being held,” he murmured with a light laugh.

Toshiro's smile grew at the sound of Yukio’s laugh - he always adored that sound. Yukio felt so adorably small against him, he immediately understood the appeal and why Yukio was fond of holding _him._ It actually wouldn't take much to scoop him into his arms and hold him fully against his chest like this… So Toshiro did exactly that, immediately feeling fond and a pleasurable heat race through his body at Yukio’s full weight against his chest, supporting him with his hands beneath his thighs, Yukio instinctively wrapping his legs around him. 

Yukio yelped a bit at being picked up so suddenly, and just as suddenly their faces were only inches apart, causing a deep blush to stain Yukio’s cheeks. He wasn’t really sure what Toshiro was doing, why exactly he had lifted him to be against him this way, but he supposed it didn’t really matter. He very quickly decided he loved it, so he relaxed against Toshiro’s body, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and burying his face in the side of his neck, closing his eyes to just feel how _close_ they were, focusing on every inch of them that was touching. “I hope you know, it doesn’t matter to me what age you are, or how tall you are. I love you,” he murmured into Toshiro’s neck.

Toshiro responded, just as soft, "I adore you, Yukio. You've quickly become the center of my thoughts, ever since we spoke that first night. It's difficult to focus sometimes on anything else. I know it felt like I was ignoring you before, but it's rather impossible for me now. I was _trying_ to shut you out, but I _couldn't._ And now… I'm so glad it didn't work, that you didn't let me push you away, that I can hold you like this… I love this, you feel so perfect against me…"

“I love it, too. And I guess I’ll have to get used to it when you actually grow up to be this, because I tried this on me and it’s entirely unfair how short I still am when I’m twenty-three,” Yukio said, lifting his head and laughing. Still, his bright emerald eyes couldn’t stop tracing every feature of Toshiro’s face, completely amazed that Toshiro would eventually actually _be_ this.

Toshiro smiled, finding the action easier each time and impossible not to do with this man, "I do still love being held in your arms as well… With your Fullbring though, we don't really have to choose, do we? I'll be any size for you, Yukio. Whatever you want, I can't deny you." 

“I suppose we don’t, though you will have to go back to your natural age, whatever that is at the time, before we leave the pocket dimension. I could be whatever _you_ want me to be, though, like I said, I don’t get much taller so there’s not much to look forward to,” Yukio said, his tone light and his smile playful. He never would get tired of seeing Toshiro smile, but in this aged form, it was practically melting him.

"I love _this_ age… And I know I'll feel the same at practically any age you are. I was only worried about _losing_ you to age. And I don't mind at all if this is the size you stay - you're so beautiful to me, Yukio. I'm still trying to believe this is real, that I'm holding you like this, that you're coming with me when I need to leave, that every night I'll come home to you…" As he spoke, Toshiro leaned towards him, his teal eyes falling half-lidded, his words silenced as he gently pressed his lips to Yukio's. 

Yukio’s eyes slid shut almost instantly, and something akin to a whine surfaced from the back of his throat. He broke the contact rather abruptly, his heart pounding in his chest and his entire body feeling unnaturally warm. He didn’t know what it was, whether it was the way Toshiro was holding him, the fact that he could feel every muscle flex under his legs where they were wrapped around Toshiro’s waist, or just the peace that came with being able to kiss him without worry, but it was actually a bit bothersome that the feeling had come upon him so suddenly.

Toshiro whimpered slightly as Yukio broke the kiss - the _sound_ he'd made - how he'd _felt_ had him gripping him tighter and caused more heat to flood through his body. He opened his eyes though in concern at his reaction. Yukio had never pulled away from him like that. He leaned his forehead against his, no small amount of worry coloring his tone, "Yukio? What's wrong? I'm sorry… If that's not alright… I thought…" his voice trailed off, not really knowing what to say, not understanding what was wrong - Yukio always seemed to love it the few times he'd kissed him. 

Yukio hated that he had worried Toshiro so badly, but he wasn’t exactly sure what the problem was, and he didn’t want Toshiro to get the wrong impression. “No, I… I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want you to think that I’m reacting this way because you’re different now. But… I… I really _want_ you right now, Toshiro. I don’t want you to think I only want you like this, because I’d want you no matter what,” Yukio tried to explain, hoping it would dispel the anxiety on that beautiful face.

Toshiro stilled, moving his head back a bit to look him in the eyes. "You _want_ me?" After everything, he didn’t know why that was so surprising to him, but it was the first time Yukio had alluded to anything actually _sexual_ \- it was really the first time _anyone_ had done so with him and it not be a joke. 

Yukio nodded, biting his bottom lip nervously as he did so. “But… I really don’t want our first time to be like this. I want you to be _you_ , the way you always are. The way you were when I realized I was falling in love with you. It won’t bother me when you’re like this later, of course. I’ll have seen the change in you over time, but right now… it just seems too much like you’re someone else,” he admitted. He hoped Toshiro didn’t take offense, because the possibility was there. Yukio knew he was still Toshiro. His mind was the same. His heart was the same. But Yukio didn’t want this to be his memory of their first time together - trapped in an alternate dimension under age manipulation. 

Toshiro pressed a kiss to his cheek before nuzzling his cheek with his own, trying to convey that he understood and didn't take any offense. "I know how different I look like this. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me and… honestly I'm not as comfortable in this form either. Everything feels… off. My arms and legs are longer, my balance is different - I've trained to be able to fight this way unhindered but it still doesn't feel exactly right. Like this isn't _me._ At least… not yet." Toshiro lowered Yukio back to the ground, saying, "I actually would like to take you up on your offer to allow me to train in here occasionally - in this form. Hyourinmaru insists on my doing so at least once every other week and _your_ method of aging me doesn't hurt. But… you can put me back how I was… And we can leave here… If you wanted…" Toshiro murmured with a light blush. 

Yukio felt a chill spark down his spine at the suggestion, and heat rushed to his own cheeks. “Yeah, I… I’d like that,” he replied, swiping to access the menu again. With the desired time set properly, he applied the change to Toshiro, and he instantly changed back into his usual, adorably small self. Yukio couldn’t help but smile at him. Knowing how strikingly gorgeous he would be in several decades didn’t change how Yukio saw him now, even smaller than he was. “Ready to go? All I have to do is tap this button,” he said, pointing at a small, round icon in the bottom corner of the menu.

Toshiro nodded with a shy smile, before his eyes widened slightly and he said, "Actually, give me a minute." He closed his eyes, concentrating on the steady, gentle flow of reiatsu from his body. It was relatively docile now and easy to coax into settling within him. If he allowed it to flow freely more often, he wondered if it would remain so well behaved the rest of the time. Something he would need to test. The snowfall ended with the last of his power restrained and he opened his eyes again, taking Yukio's unoccupied hand and giving him that same small, shy smile, "I really am ready now."

Yukio watched rather curiously, but when he realized what Toshiro was doing, he was actually glad he had realized before exiting into the real world, because Yukio couldn’t feel the effects of his energy at all in this dimension. He met Toshiro’s eyes, a wide smile still on his face at the sight of what he considered _his_ Toshiro next to him. Being able to manipulate age to help him train was one thing, but when they were together, he wanted him to be his true self. “Alright,” he murmured, squeezing Toshiro’s hand. 

With the press of a button, they were being loaded back into Yukio’s bedroom, where this had all started. The sun had set in their absence, but the light of the moon cast the room in a pallid light that made Toshiro’s hair look like it was actually glowing. Yukio pulled Toshiro fully into his arms, kissing that stunning hair and nuzzling into it, _so_ glad that things had worked out the way he had planned. His four months of work weren’t in vain.

Toshiro sighed in complete contentment, loving the feeling of being held by _his_ Yukio. And he really would be his - forever. Just as Toshiro was _his._ At the thought of fully belonging to and being with the beautiful, brilliant man, Toshiro felt heat wash over his body again, so strong that he whimpered slightly as he pressed a kiss against Yukio’s neck. 

Yukio’s next breath shuddered a bit at the sound Toshiro made, and he didn’t even think before he was bringing his hand to Toshiro’s chin, pulling his face up and taking his lips in a heated kiss that seemed to take his breath and cause his heart to very suddenly begin to pound in his ears. The desire in his heart pooled heat in his core, and he really was convinced that he actually wanted Toshiro _more_ this way, the way he knew and loved him.

Toshiro clung to Yukio as he kissed him in a way he never had before. He'd gasped at the pure desire and forcefulness of his mouth pressed against his, moaning desperately as Yukio’s tongue swept past his parted lips. He surrendered immediately, small wanton sounds escaping him. Heat and desire coursed through his small body and he felt a need to have more of him, to have more of Yukio’s body pressed against him, more of his tongue inside his mouth, more of _Yukio_ entirely. He tugged at his shirt, wanting to feel the flawless skin he knew was beneath, but he was still concerned about crossing some boundary he wasn't aware of. 

Yukio was so entirely aroused by the way Toshiro was acting that he stepped away for a moment, breathing heavily and his mouth still slightly open, only to pull his shirt over his head and toss it to the floor. He immediately stepped back in to press as much of his body against Toshiro as he could before claiming his mouth again, his tongue exploring every inch that it could reach and his hands wandering down Toshiro’s small body, pressing rather firmly as they trailed down his sides, desperate to feel the lithe muscles beneath his shihakusho.

Toshiro whined in the back of his throat before breaking away from the utterly consuming kiss. He was more turned on than he remembered being in his life, his breathing labored and his teal eyes slightly hazy with desire. "You can take it off," he murmured, wanting to feel Yukio’s skin against his own but still feeling a bit self-conscious and shy over his small body. "Yukio," he whimpered, another wave of heat washing over him, "I want you…"

Yukio groaned at the overt lust in Toshiro’s tone. “And I want you, Toshiro,” he said, his voice low and husky. He immediately went to work untucking the layers of his shihakusho, pushing them off of his shoulders, his haori falling to the floor with them. He couldn’t help but take a moment and look at him. He was small, yes, but not without appeal. Lean muscle defined every inch of him, tense with anticipation and desire. “You’re so sexy, I can’t even take it,” Yukio murmured.

Toshiro whimpered again at his appreciative look and statement, teal eyes wandering over Yukio’s own toned body. He reached out to touch, his hand slightly shaking as he tentatively trailed his fingertips across his chest and down his abs that contracted and flexed at his touch. 

Yukio couldn’t help but sense and feel Toshiro’s hesitant movements, and he tried to calm himself a bit, because if this continued at the same rate as it began, he was going to want to take things much too quickly. “Toshiro, I… I know you said you want me. But you still seem nervous. If we need to slow down, that’s fine,” he told him, watching to truly judge his real answer, not the answer that his _body_ wanted to give, but the answer his _heart_ wanted to give.

Toshiro shook his head slightly, "I'm not nervous about being yours, about anything you may do to me… I'm not entirely ignorant about how this works… I've been in this teenage body, with everything that comes with that, for _decades…_ I _do_ want you - desperately. I just - I'm unsure of what _I'm_ allowed to do with _you_ and… I've never been with anyone before so I honestly don't know how to properly _do_ anything like this to someone _else_ \- how to make _you_ feel good…"

Yukio laughed. “You’re overthinking this way too much. You can do whatever you want to me, honestly. And I say that because I trust you and I know you’d never knowingly hurt me. You said you’re not entirely ignorant, but you’ve never done this before. Well… we’re on the same page, then. You’ve been watching me since I was sixteen. You know I haven’t been in any long-term relationships. So, we’re both in the same situation right now, just wanting each other and doing what feels good. Neither of us is stupid - I think we both know how to perform the act in theory,” he said, bringing his hand to Toshiro’s cheek and kissing him lightly before adding, “so I think we can figure it out.”

"Sorry… I tend to overthink almost everything, honestly." Toshiro looked into emerald green eyes as he confided quietly, "I think I'd be more comfortable… if you led? The thought of you taking control and doing as you say… It's both calming and incredibly hot to me. I do know though… If you want to have me entirely… I - I want that too… And I want _you_ taking _me,_ Yukio. I'm not nearly confident enough yet to do the opposite - but I desperately want to be that connected to you, to… To be _yours_ and feel you… Feel you…" He felt himself blush heavily, feeling that it was far too vulgar to complete that sentence. 

Yukio smiled softly. This emotionally exposed, unconfident Toshiro was both adorable and unbelievably sexy at the same time. The fact that such a strong shinigami, a _Captain,_ would relent control to him showed such trust that Yukio didn’t have a choice but to agree. He clearly wasn’t as unsteady about this as Toshiro was. “I’ll take the lead, but I still want you to tell me if I do anything that isn’t good for you. And you can feel free to act on your own. Touch me, kiss me, whatever you feel like you want to do. I don’t want to take anything away from you just because you’re asking me to guide you,” Yukio insisted. A sly smirk came to his lips for a moment as he bent to near his mouth to Toshiro’s ear, whispering, “And I think what you want to say is that you want to feel me inside you.”

Toshiro whined at the words, his hands raising to press flush against Yukio’s chest - not to push away but to feel him. "Yes…" Toshiro whispered, "Please Yukio, I want you so much…"

Yukio felt like his entire body caught fire at Toshiro’s desperation. He quickly pulled the tie loose on Toshiro’s hakama, causing them to fall to the floor. Before Toshiro even had time to react to being fully nude in front of him, Yukio was gently coaxing him toward the bed with his hands on his sides, guiding him the few steps back until he collided with it. “You can take mine off, too, before we get on the bed,” he instructed, though he kept his tone gentle and suggestive instead of demanding anything of him. 

Toshiro tore his eyes away from stunning emerald green, focusing instead on the clasp to Yukio’s pants. He could see the outline of Yukio’s clear arousal and he whimpered a bit, his hands sliding down Yukio’s sexy body to work at the clasp. It wasn’t easy with his hands trembling in anticipation and need, but after several moments he was successful, immediately moving his hands to Yukio’s hips and pushing down all of his remaining clothing. He was arrested at the sight of Yukio’s fully hard cock, his fingers reaching before his mind registered what he was doing, lightly touching the smooth, firm skin. 

Yukio groaned heavily at Toshiro’s touch, his cock twitching at the attention. He looked down at Toshiro, who was completely mesmerized with what was before him, and the sight of their bare bodies so near each other was just too much for Yukio to handle, especially with Toshiro touching him. But he didn’t want to interrupt Toshiro’s exploration, so he kept to visually studying Toshiro’s body for a few long moments, taking in the slim, toned body fully exposed to him. “Your body is gorgeous, Toshiro,” Yukio commented, his mind thoroughly occupied and forcedly distracted from Toshiro’s hand on him. 

Toshiro blushed at the comment, teal eyes darting back up to emerald green, only finding complete honesty and clear desire. He shivered at the look, withdrawing his hand and using both of his palms to shift himself back until he was centered upon the bed. Wanting to allow Yukio to fully see him, he leaned back upon Yukio’s soft sheets, his legs falling open invitingly even as he blushed harder at the action, one hand resting beside his head as the other reached for Yukio to join him. 

Yukio had to stare, even if only for a moment before desire completely took over. Toshiro _presenting himself_ to him was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. He took Toshiro’s offered hand, but didn’t put any pressure to pull him as he climbed onto the bed with him, shivering a bit with sheer anticipation as he settled between his legs. He brought Toshiro’s hand to his lips, kissing it before releasing it and bracing his hands on either side of Toshiro’s head, hovering over him and giving him a lustful smile. “You’re perfect. So perfect in every way,” Yukio whispered. 

Toshiro whined at his words and at his achingly close proximity. He brought the hand Yukio had released to also rest upon the bed, in the same way as his other, before slowly sliding them further up so that his fingers could intertwine above his head. He tilted his head, baring his neck, his entire body trembling as he did so. It wasn’t even difficult to completely give himself to Yukio - not now, after everything - it actually felt immensely relieving. 

"Yours, Yukio…" Toshiro whispered, heated teal eyes becoming even more hazy. With each honest compliment that Yukio bestowed upon him, Toshiro felt his heart swell, wanting to please him all the more. And he _was his_ anyway - soon to be claimed by him in every way. Toshiro whimpered again at the thought, his chest moving up and down steadily, his breathing erratic and labored. Yukio always did make him lose his control - but _this_ time he was giving it to him freely - and he completely trusted him with _all_ of himself. 

He refused to hide anymore. 

Not from Yukio. 

Yukio’s heart skipped at the completely vulnerable position Toshiro had put himself in. This was _Toshiro_ doing this - he _never_ wanted to be seen as vulnerable or exposed. Yet here he was, showing Yukio everything - his emotions, his body, even dropping his stern facade completely. Yukio ran a gentle hand all the way from Toshiro’s wrist above his head, down his arm, over his side, to his hip. Every bit of his body was beautiful, and Yukio really didn’t want to stop staring, but he quickly remembered he really never had to. Toshiro was _his._ And he was Toshiro’s - forever. 

Yukio lowered himself to prop on his elbow, one hand still on Toshiro’s hip, and pressed his lips to his beautifully exposed neck. He trailed slow, firm kisses from his jawbone to his collarbone, his body beginning to tremble a bit as desire ran through him at the feel of smooth, flawless skin under his lips. He allowed his tongue to pass his lips, groaning into Toshiro’s skin at the taste. Slowly and methodically, he licked and lightly sucked along Toshiro’s collarbone, loving every second of having this man so pliant beneath him. 

Toshiro’s eyes had fluttered shut the moment Yukio brought attention to his neck. He tried to remain still beneath him, but it was impossible. He’d never felt so completely _wanted_ and _loved,_ his body responding to every touch. He didn’t hinder him at all, allowing Yukio to explore his body as he wished, but he couldn’t prevent arching into him, gasping and quietly moaning out Yukio’s name, his fingers clasping tighter around themselves to prevent himself from reaching towards him because he equally wanted to touch him as he wanted to completely surrender to this man.

Yukio mirrored Toshiro’s moan when he arched into him, and he felt the tension in his body with the contact. He brought the hand that was now quite firmly gripping Toshiro’s hip up to his arms again, gently running from his bicep to his wrist, actually surprised that it felt like Toshiro was clenching his hands together on purpose. “I told you, you can touch me. Unless for some reason you don’t want to, then I can hold your wrists so you don’t have to struggle so much,” he suggested. Though, it was a bit puzzling to him _why_ Toshiro wouldn’t want to touch him. Perhaps he was just enjoying _being touched._

Toshiro groaned at the words, heat flooding through him again. If he was doing this, he was determined to do so completely, and honestly that was the sexiest suggestion he'd ever heard of. "Do it -" he panted out, "Yukio - hold me down - yours -" 

Yukio obliged him, shifting his hand to grasp both of Toshiro’s thin wrists, putting a bit of pressure to be sure that he was at least _trying_ to hold him down. He was absolutely sure Toshiro could escape if he wanted to, and he was actually glad he could. The undoubted fact that he wasn’t actually taking control away from Toshiro, that Toshiro was willingly giving it now, was really the only thing that made Yukio comfortable doing so. “How’s that?” he asked, ducking his head to litter light kisses to Toshiro’s cheek and under his ear, nuzzling his nose into soft white hair as he waited for a response.

"I - I don't know if I can - explain very well - Yukio… But _giving_ you control of me - because I _want_ to - _feeling_ these emotions - on _purpose_ \- I've never felt so much relief… I - _always_ \- need to be perfectly in control…" Toshiro's voice was heartbreaking soft as he whispered, "I don't _need_ to be though - with _you._ I trust you to control me - to cage my power if needed - to command me and lead when I need guidance… I never realized how _exhausted_ I was before - always only ever relying on _myself._ This feels… like I'm both _owned_ and yet finally _free…_ Yours, Yukio," Toshiro repeated, reacting to each and every touch, continuing to lean into him, loving the secure feeling of his wrists being restrained, deep feelings of comfort, love, and need washing over him. 

Yukio smiled as Toshiro spoke, though the other couldn’t see him from where he had his face buried in his hair. He pressed a gentle kiss under his ear before pulling back and looking into peaceful teal eyes. He shifted a bit to allow himself to run his fingers through Toshiro’s hair and still be able to hold himself up on his forearm, admittedly loving that Toshiro leaned into his touch. “I won’t let that be in vain, Toshiro. I’m so glad you feel like you can let go with me, because it’s really amazing to see you actually calm and surrendering instead of holding onto all that discipline,” Yukio murmured softly. He lowered down to kiss Toshiro’s forehead before completely covering him with his body, letting out a shuddering moan at the feel of so much exposed skin touching his, fighting the urge to grind into Toshiro’s hard body.

Toshiro groaned lowly at the feeling of both Yukio’s body and his _weight_ on top of him. Logically, Toshiro knew he was the stronger of the two of them, that it would only be too easy to reverse this - but he _loved_ it. It drove more heat throughout his body, his cock feeling achingly hard pinned between them, and he could feel _Yukio’s_ hard length against _himself._ "Please, Yukio," Toshiro groaned out, "Want you - want to feel you -" he broke off the words again, blushing terribly but _needing_ Yukio. 

Yukio shuddered at the tone of Toshiro’s words, so filled with need that it caused a wave of pleasure to wash over him. Still, he was a bit hesitant. “You know… I’m not entirely sure how to do this myself. I… I don’t want to hurt you, and I honestly don’t think I _could._ I just… I don’t know what to do other than just… get inside you,” he admitted, his face flushing as he spoke. He felt a bit guilty, really, feeling like he probably should have been more upfront about his inexperience before. But it had been difficult to think this far ahead with lust clouding his mind when they began.

Toshiro whined a bit at the thought of Yukio inside of him before actually focusing on the problem, as hazy as that was for him. His mind sharpened as readily as it always did when needed and he answered softly, trying not to be embarrassed but knowing that his blush was deepening with every word, "I said I'm not entirely ignorant, how this works… I probably _would_ be fine if you did that, my body is used to enduring far more pain and damage than a human body and I heal faster as well… 

"But usually… You _prepare_ your partner… Especially a male partner… You need to stretch me, Yukio. Slowly and with something to lubricate my body while you do so if you don't want to hurt me. I could take it, my body would adjust, but I _know_ you don't want to hurt me in any way… And I…" He bit his lip before reminding himself that he can tell this man anything, "I've… used fingers before… inside myself… I've been this age for so many years now I just… I was curious - I wanted to know what it'd feel like," he whispered, completely embarrassed now but also unable to hide with Yukio pinning him in place. 

Yukio’s eyes widened at the confession, but his expression immediately softened into a smile when he saw just how mortified Toshiro was to admit such a thing. “I hope you know that doesn’t bother me at all. I’m actually pretty embarrassed myself to be nineteen years old and not know these things. As much as I work with technology and computers, I don’t use it for this kind of thing, even though I know the information is out there. I figured I would have time to educate myself better before I ever got this far with someone, but I’ve been distracted working on my Fullbring for the past four months, and really I didn’t know this desire to do this with you would hit me so hard so fast. I’m glad you know more than I do, because I really would have hated hurting you if we _both_ were as clueless as I am,” Yukio said with a light chuckle.

“But I’ll do it right, I promise,” he added, sitting up just long enough to reach into the drawer of his bedside table to retrieve a small bottle of lube. “Just because I haven’t done _this_ before doesn’t mean I haven’t done anything, so I do have this,” he said, putting it on the bed next to them. He returned his hand to Toshiro’s wrists and lowered himself back down onto him, closing his eyes and letting out a low hum of satisfaction. “You feel so good against me. I love you so much, Toshiro,” he murmured, resting his forehead against Toshiro’s and reveling in the closeness.

“Yukio…” Toshiro murmured, breathing deeply, allowing that gentle feeling of peace - of feeling completely cared-for and loved - wash over him even as his desire grew inside him. “Love you, my Yukio,” Toshiro breathed out, relaxing completely beneath his weight upon him. “Please,” he whimpered out, feeling the heat within him growing the longer Yukio pinned him, “I want to feel you… I want to be _yours_ \- in every way I can be… I love you, _so much…_ Need you, Yukio…”

Yukio tilted his head to kiss Toshiro gently, pulling away to pick up the bottle of lube and rather awkwardly opening it with one hand, somehow managing to hold it with his thumb, ring finger, and pinkie while he let some dispense onto his index and middle fingers before tossing the bottle back onto the bed. He lifted himself off of Toshiro’s body just enough to reach down and spread the slick substance around Toshiro’s entrance, almost immediately delving in a bit with one finger, biting his lip at the odd sensation. 

Toshiro gasped at how quickly Yukio had partially sunk his finger inside, his body clamping down around the intrusion. He took in deeper breaths as he forced his body to relax, knowing that remaining clenched would only hurt, and likely prevent Yukio from even being _able_ to stretch him. “Take - your time -” Toshiro said through labored breaths, “This will actually - go faster if you do - if I remain relaxed. You didn’t hurt me,” Toshiro was quick to reassure him, “Just, need to adjust it - it feels weird - at first…” But even as he spoke Toshiro was becoming more comfortable with the finger’s presence within him and he started feeling the comforting, pleasurable sensation of being filled, desperate to be filled completely by Yukio and moaning out at the thought before whispering, “More - I can take more now, Yukio - want you _so_ much…”

Yukio took a deep breath to relax himself, his hand a bit tense with the anxiety of hurting Toshiro. But he said he hadn’t, so he convinced himself that he hadn’t really made a mistake, just taken it a bit quickly. So he slowed his movements, gradually pressing his finger further and watching Toshiro’s expression the entire time. 

Just seeing the complete abandon in his bright teal eyes caused him to gain a bit of confidence, now truly sure that he wasn’t doing anything wrong, and Toshiro was actually enjoying this. He leaned down to take Toshiro’s lips in a slow, passionate kiss, moaning into his mouth when he felt his body relax around his finger at the action. He took the opportunity to slide his other finger inside, just a bit, not releasing Toshiro’s mouth from his insistent tongue as he did so.

Toshiro had never thought he could possibly feel this good. When Yukio claimed his mouth at the same time his finger was buried deep within his body, his mind became blissfully blank. All he was focused on was _feeling_ \- Yukio’s tongue inside his mouth, his finger gently stretching him, the weight of his body against him, the tight hold upon his wrists. When the second finger entered him, he merely moaned into Yukio’s mouth, his body completely relaxed and accepting of the addition. He found he actually felt a sliver of frustration he hadn’t expected when the finger stopped - _barely_ inside of him. He began to whine into Yukio’s mouth, his hips moving a bit without his notice, pinned as he was, desperate to take more of him.

Yukio couldn’t help but feel Toshiro beginning to squirm beneath him, obviously in pleasure and not even a trace of discomfort, judging by the sounds he was making. So Yukio obliged him, picking up his pace minutely and lightly moving both fingers in and out as he went, heat rushing him with the uninhibited movement. It didn’t take long like this, with Toshiro’s body welcoming the intrusion and the lubricant doing its job, before both fingers were as far in as they could reach.

Toshiro released the loudest sound he’d made thus far, the moan pulled from him at feeling so entirely _full._ He’d not be able to fully sink his own fingers completely within himself, the few times he had tried this, the angle being entirely wrong even with how flexible he was. Yukio was reaching a place inside of him that had never been touched - and as he shifted just slightly, his hips bearing back down on his fingers as he relished in the feeling, Yukio pressed against something that had Toshiro breaking the kiss, his entire body arching and trembling as he cried out.

Yukio was actually quite shocked at the sudden change in Toshiro’s reactions, and he instinctively withdrew his fingers a bit, studying Toshiro’s face for a moment. He was entirely lost in deep pleasure that made Yukio groan at the sight of half-lidded teal eyes. Realizing he definitely hadn’t hurt him, he pressed in again, trying for the same reaction and only having to search for a moment before succeeding. Yukio met the movement of Toshiro’s hips, a low, deep moan coming up from the back of his throat at the blinding pressure between their achingly hard lengths. “I have to get inside you, Toshiro, I can’t take this anymore,” he said quickly, his voice strained with deep desire.

“Yes - Yukio -” Toshiro gasped, completely overloaded with pleasure. He was actually surprised he had managed to hold himself back from coming when Yukio had found that place again inside him - this time _intentionally._ “Please - need you inside me - I don’t want to come until - Ngh - Until I feel you - Feel you fill me - Yukio -” He was long past being embarrassed now, the pleasure surging through him making such a thing impossible. The only thing his mind had room for was his desperate desire to have this man and to make sure he had him - _now._

Yukio gently removed his fingers, eliciting a whine at the loss, which drove him to take as little time as possible snatching the lube from the bed and liberally applying it to his own cock, clenching his eyes shut and biting his lip at the sensation. He definitely couldn’t linger on that for long, his pleasure mounting to an almost uncomfortable level just with the few seconds it took. He reached over to wipe the excess on the sheets, not really caring about the mess, and shifted to position himself at Toshiro’s entrance, a broken, shuddering moan issuing from his lips as soon as he breached his tight body. He had to fight _hard_ against the urge to thrust into him, his hips burning as he kept himself to small movements as he eased himself inside that tight, blinding heat.

Toshiro was so determined to feel him buried inside that he willed his body to remain relaxed and accepting, feeling only more pleasure as a result as Yukio slowly sunk into him. The pace was actually maddening - he _wanted_ him - _now_ \- and he knew he could take him without hurting himself. But the grip on his wrists kept him from hooking his legs around him and pulling him in, the pressure there reminding him that _Yukio_ was in control and that he _wanted_ him to remain in control of him. At least for this, allowing him to claim his body, completely surrendering to the other. He focused on that, the pressure on his wrists, because otherwise he really did feel like he would flip them and he knew with his strength it would only be too easy to do. 

That didn’t stop him from voicing his desires, however, now certain that Yukio actually wanted to hear them. 

That he wanted to know, and cared about, what Toshiro wanted.

“Yukio - need you - please I - I can take you - Faster, Yukio - Need you - _now_ \- please…”

Yukio let out an involuntary growl at Toshiro’s statement, truly not wanting to hurt him but believing that he could indeed take him because of his superior resilience. He increased his pace some, still keeping his movements smooth and gentle as he went, easing in a bit faster with each thrust as Toshiro’s body accepted him. He nearly came when he was fully sheathed, but he painfully held back, wanting to feel this for as long as possible. “Toshiro… your body - it’s amazing. So tight - feels so good,” he panted. He had to stop moving entirely to keep from further stimulating himself, because he knew it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge. He could hardly even _look_ at Toshiro’s nearly wrecked expression without pleasurable heat rushing through him. 

“Yukio…” Toshiro breathed out, teal eyes wide as Yukio _finally_ sunk into him entirely. He couldn’t help lifting his legs to wrap around Yukio’s thin hips, bearing his body as far down on him as possible as he moaned out, “So full - I can feel - every inch of you - Yukio…”

Yukio cried out at the increased pressure and movement around him, so incredibly close it was actually causing sweat to break out on his neck with the effort of holding back. “Toshiro, I’m _so_ close. If I move too much I’ll come, I know I will,” he warned him. Being _inside_ Toshiro was far better than anything he had ever done to himself. He couldn’t believe how quickly he was pushed to this point, but the tight heat that occasionally shifted around him, holding him in and almost constantly stimulating every bit of him, had him painfully hard and completely over the threshold of any pleasure he had felt before.

“Me too,” Toshiro admitted, his voice strained and shaky, “It’s okay - we,” he laughed slightly, instantly groaning as it caused his body to tense around Yukio within him - how the _hell_ did he feel _that_ much larger than the fingers? - “We’ve got forever… Yukio… To do this slow… To make this last as - long as possible… And I know I’ll come - when you do… I’ve had to stop myself - several times - just want to feel you - filling me - when I do…”

Yukio nodded hurriedly, moaning loudly as he shifted back as much as he could with Toshiro’s legs wrapped around him, and it only took a few short thrusts to feel his climax unexpectedly crash into him, taking his breath and forcing him to bury his face in Toshiro’s neck and clench his teeth together to keep from actually screaming. When he was forced by necessity to breathe, it came out as a strained whine, the pleasure still relentlessly flooding him as his hips worked on instinct and continued to thrust into the gorgeous body holding him. He panted heavily for several moments as the rush of searing heat faded into blissful shockwaves that tensed his body in sporadic spasms.

Toshiro felt the liquid heat of Yukio’s release inside of him and had no inhibition screaming Yukio’s name as he came - no one but Yukio could hear _his_ voice anyway. He continued to gasp audibly as searing heat coursed through his own body, meeting Yukio’s thrusts with sharp motions of his own hips. He was so hot, felt so full, and he never wanted either feeling to stop. Teal eyes opened at the sound of Yukio’s whine, not even realizing he’d closed them as he’d been lost to his own pleasure. He took in Yukio’s panting form, the trembling in his arms as he continued to both hold himself up and keep him pinned, the instinctual continued movement of his thrusts, and the feeling of him still mostly hard within him. 

Toshiro _couldn’t_ simply remain passive anymore, and Yukio was nearing the end of his ability to continue supporting himself. Toshiro broke the hold he had upon his wrists, green eyes widening and losing balance as he did so but Toshiro moved inhumanly fast to catch him before easily flipping them and keeping Yukio buried deep inside. Now on top of him, Toshiro tilted his hips and realized he could sink even _deeper_ like this, groaning out as he placed his hands flat upon Yukio’s chest and moved himself on his still mostly hard cock, teal eyes half-lidded and loving the feeling of Yukio inside him. “You feel - so fucking good -” Toshiro moaned out as his hazy, desire-filled eyes locked with emerald green and he sensually moved on top of him, allowing instinct and pleasure to guide his movements.

Yukio was still in a bit of shock at what had just happened. Suddenly, Toshiro was on top of him, straddling his hips and looking incredibly sexy _riding_ his cock and allowing unfiltered words to flow from his mouth. The way his lustful gaze came down to him, capturing his eyes and making him feel frozen in place, caused an unpredicted shiver of pleasure to run through his body. He had never recovered this quickly, but it certainly seemed to be happening now. Yukio brought his hands to Toshiro’s knees where they rested on the bed on either side of his hips and ran his firm touch up to grip Toshiro’s hips, not really guiding him but becoming sharply aware of the way he was moving - completely provocatively.

Feeling Yukio completely harden again inside of him was one of the sexiest things Toshiro had ever experienced. Knowing that it was _his_ body having this effect on the gorgeous man beneath him boosted Toshiro’s confidence in a way nothing else could - _because_ he could literally _feel_ him. He moved his hips, not really seeking to build pleasure but to _feel_ him inside himself, for as long as he could. Toshiro’s muscles flexed as he moved but this wasn't remotely tiring to him, certain he could continue doing this until Yukio begged for more - especially since that first incredible orgasm had relieved the overwhelming feeling of need, the pleasure now constant but completely manageable. 

Yukio let his eyes wander to touch every inch of the man on top of him, completely allured by his small frame accented by smooth, hard muscle. His hands explored what parts of him they could reach, running over his hips and thighs, and Yukio groaned as he reached back to feel the curve of his ass. He lingered there for a while, following Toshiro’s movements and just feeling his gorgeous body. 

Eventually, though, his hands began to move of their own accord, coming around to Toshiro’s hips and continuing inward to trace his lower abs, every constant thrust causing the muscles under his fingers to flex. Yukio glanced up to meet hazy teal eyes as he allowed his hands to continue, one resting in the space between his inner thigh and his groin, and the other tentatively wrapping around his cock.

Toshiro whimpered at the tentative touch, the steady motion of his hips faltering a bit. His breathing quickened instantly as he felt heat surge within him again. "Yukio…" he breathed out, curiosity entering teal eyes as he regarded Yukio beneath him, continuing his steady motion and relaxing into the feeling of Yukio’s hand wrapped around him. 

Yukio gave a seductive smirk as he began to move his hand to pump Toshiro’s cock in time with his thrusts, groaning in the back of his throat as it immediately responded. “Damn, Toshiro, you’re so gorgeous - so sexy - everything your body does is amazing,” he said, the words flowing rather involuntarily. He had realized quickly how responsive Toshiro was to compliments and praise, and it actually made him feel a bit of sympathy for him, Yukio also being smaller than any other man he had met. He would have never predicted that the seemingly confident Captain would actually have _self-esteem_ issues, but it only made Yukio want to tell him over and over that he was beautiful.

Toshiro groaned into both the feeling and the praise. As pleasure abruptly flooded him - Yukio’s hand pumping him feeling far better than his own ever had - his body curled inwards, putting more weight onto his hands upon Yukio’s firm chest. At the slight change in angle, Yukio's cock brushed that place within him that his fingers had found before and Toshiro immediately cried out, clenching down hard around Yukio and stilling his movement as he panted through the overwhelming surge of pleasure. 

Yukio gave a broken moan when Toshiro’s body tightened around him, his hips rising off the bed to increase the friction and pressure as Toshiro stopped his constant motion. “Ah - shit, yes, please do that again. I don’t - know what you did, but - felt so good,” he all but begged, his hips still trying to arch up and encourage Toshiro to continue. If Toshiro did _that,_ he would be on the edge again in no time at all, he was sure.

Toshiro whimpered, his voice strained as he said, "If I continue to do that, I'll come _very_ quickly. Whatever that is feels completely overwhelming every time you press against it. It's a good overwhelming but I really won't last long if I actually _aim_ for you to hit that."

“If you stay tight around me while you do, I’ll come, too. _Please,_ Toshiro, I need to feel you. Want to feel you come around me again,” Yukio pleaded. 

Toshiro shivered at the pleading tone, leaning down to gently kiss his lips before nodding. "Anything for you, my Yukio," he said with a slight, seductive smile. He then moved his hips again, easing Yukio’s hard length partially out of his body and leaning against him at the same angle he had before. His sharp mind remembered the angle of the motion perfectly, used to precise, efficient movements, and he pushed his body back hard against him, Yukio’s cock hitting that place within him perfectly and _hard._

Toshiro nearly screamed again it felt so unbearably, unbelievably _good,_ his body contracting and tightening around Yukio again. Without any real decision from him, his hips moved again to strike that place within him on Yukio’s hard cock, and then _again,_ repeating. The sounds coming from him were just a stream of unintelligible words as he continued to fuck himself hard onto Yukio’s cock. Now that he'd started, he was completely unable to stop, and the pressure was rapidly building within him, _far_ faster than he'd ever felt before. 

The tightness really barely slacked once Toshiro began his rough pattern of thrusting against him, his body flexing in the most sensual way, and Yukio couldn’t tear his eyes away, even as they fell half-lidded in pleasure. The constant movement and tense heat around his cock caused a very sudden spike in the heat that had, until then, been slowly pooling within him. But he wanted to hold out until he felt Toshiro come undone, needed to feel his body convulse around his cock as his orgasm claimed him.

When Toshiro’s orgasm crashed over him, he felt like it had been ripped from him with how quickly it had built and his complete inability to hold it back, even for a single additional thrust. He hadn't been able to warn Yukio at all as his mouth widened in a silent scream and his vision stuttered, seeing but not _really_ seeing as he ground down on Yukio, sinking his cock deep within him, pressed against that place inside. His body actually locked up, stilling entirely at the force of his release before he felt like all of his strength left him and he collapsed against Yukio’s firm chest, gasping and panting as he tried to slow his racing heart and waves of pleasure and aftershocks rolled over him. 

Seeing and feeling Toshiro harshly pulled into intense climax caused Yukio’s body to almost immediately follow suit, the ridiculously hard - almost painful - pulses of Toshiro’s body around his cock pulling every bit of his release from him rather quickly, leaving him in the pleasant buzz of the aftershocks as Toshiro collapsed on him. 

As he caught his own breath, Yukio brought his hands up from where they were still locked on Toshiro’s hips to encircle the smaller man in his arms, laying in the silence that was only interrupted by their harsh breathing. “That was - so good - Toshiro,” he panted. One hand found its way into Toshiro’s hair, and he bent the small distance to kiss the top of his head before falling lax again, so incredibly pleased with how this had gone. Not just making love to Toshiro - that was just a bonus, really - but the fact that his efforts with his Fullbring had paid off, and they were actually going to be together _forever._

Toshiro closed his eyes, nuzzling his nose against Yukio’s jaw and placing gentle kisses against his skin as he slowly came down from his climax. "Love you," he whispered against Yukio’s neck, near his ear. "I'm so completely in love with you, Yukio. I promise, I'll come to you if my fears ever return and let you help me put them to rest, to allow your brilliant, creative mind to find the solutions. I'm so sorry it took me this long to really allow you in. I thought I was protecting you… I feel like such an idiot… I should have trusted you more… I'm so, so sorry, my beautiful Yukio…"

Yukio’s arms tightened around him, and he shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I had no idea how much you had been through. I thought it should be easy for you to understand when I said I was going to figure out a solution. I had no idea that you had all of those things haunting you, keeping you from being able to really believe someone could be close to you. I don’t blame you, Toshiro. Not for a single thing you’ve done or said. Love you,” he said gently, turning to kiss Toshiro’s forehead. 

Toshiro laid cuddled against him, feeling blissfully peaceful for what felt like the first time in his life. He marveled at feeling Yukio slowly soften inside him as he remained still, for some reason liking the feeling nearly as much as the inverse because it meant Yukio was comfortable simply laying with him here as they both came down. Completely soft, Yukio finally slipped from his body and Toshiro whined at the sensation, frowning as he felt like he was leaking and saying softly, "I think I'd really like a shower, Yukio… I don't think I'll sleep very well feeling damp and sticky…"

Yukio chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’ll have to change the sheets, too,” he replied. He sat up, Toshiro still held against him, and couldn’t help but pull him closer, settling him in his lap for a moment before bringing a hand to Toshiro’s chin to pull his face up, kissing him lightly on the lips. “We both need a shower. If you want, we could take one together, or I’ll wait while you take one,” he suggested.

"Together," Toshiro responded immediately, a light blush coming to his cheeks, "I want to be with you as often as I'm able, Yukio."

Yukio gave him a soft smile and wrapped his arms firmly around Toshiro, shifting to slide off the bed with him in his arms, supporting him with his hands under his thighs as Toshiro wrapped his legs around him. “I could get used to carrying you,” Yukio teased lightly as he made his way to the bathroom across the hall from his bedroom.

Toshiro smiled, leaning into his chest and nuzzling into his neck, murmuring, "I actually love it. I usually avoid anyone touching me but I love it when you do. Probably because I'm not worried about hurting you anymore or feeling close to you… And I loved holding you too, when you aged me."

They had made it to the bathroom as Toshiro spoke, and Yukio set him down to turn on the shower. As he waited for the water to warm, he ran a hand through Toshiro’s hair, smiling down at him and memorizing every detail of just how calm and relaxed his expression was. “Well, I guess I’ll enjoy your height for as long as I can, and I’m sure you’ll indulge me when I really want to hold you. But really, like I said before, I’ll always prefer that you just be _you,_ however you are,” he murmured, bending to kiss Toshiro’s cheek.

Toshiro gave him a small smile, responding, "I already told you I'll be any age you prefer so of course I'll indulge you. And I definitely prefer _this_ age, myself - at least right now. I just know that my fully mature body is more advantageous, concerning my power. Though, I likely only prefer this body because I've been nearly the same size for the past five decades and it really is disorienting to be so much larger."

Yukio pulled Toshiro into the shower with him, leading him under the spray and running his hands through his own hair to work water into it, which didn’t take long, considering how thin and fine his hair was. “I think if the change happens over the next several decades, you won’t notice nearly as much, and you won’t miss being this small,” Yukio pointed out, emerald eyes focused on Toshiro.

Toshiro darted forward, stealing a kiss before wrapping his arms around him and nuzzling into his neck, saying, "I'll miss being this small, because I'll miss _this,_ fitting together the way we do right now. I think this will always be my favorite, because this is how we were when all this started, when you gave me my first kiss, when you told me you loved me, when you held me as I was breaking, when you _saved_ me, when you claimed this body as yours. So I think I'll always want to return to this, at least for a little while, so we can be together just like this."

Yukio held him, smiling at every single memory, even the ones that didn’t seem worth smiling about. Because without Toshiro’s pain, Yukio would have never been able to prove he could conquer it. “I love that about how we are right now, too. I suppose, for the sake of the memories, I will want to return to this. But there’s one thing you’re not quite right about,” he said, a bit amused. He tightened his hold around him, bending to near his mouth to Toshiro’s ear and whispering, “We’ll always fit together _perfectly,_ no matter how tall you are, because we _belong_ together, and you will always be _you,_ which means you will always be mine. No matter what.”

Toshiro nodded, agreeing completely, and knowing for certain he was right. "No matter what."

* * *

It was amazing to Toshiro just how easy this all seemed and how well it worked. Yukio was done with all the work that required him physically to be present - mostly important meetings with certain clients - a day before Toshiro was scheduled to return. He'd schedule those meetings again when they were more certain of exactly when Toshiro was to return. 

Toshiro had asked him what would happen if this ridiculous, re-occurring assignment were closed and Toshiro no longer made the monthly visit and Yukio had assured him he was already prepared to work completely remotely should that happen - that what mattered to him most was being with _Toshiro_ \- _every night._ And he had been, Toshiro wrapped tight in his arms, a small, serene smile on his face. 

Ten minutes before Toshiro was scheduled to use the senkaimon, Yukio had sealed himself within his PSP, having taught Toshiro how to use the keypad controls on the device itself to see and speak to him so he knew when to re-emerge. The only truly concerning part of this plan was the senkaimon… Time could flow oddly there and Toshiro was a bit concerned how that would affect the battery life of the PSP. Yukio insisted it would be fine though, that the worst that could possibly happen would be the battery dying and he'd be forced out of the pocket dimension. That could lead to some rather inconvenient conversations if anyone were around, but Yukio would be fine. 

The battery _had_ drained quite a bit as Toshiro made the journey, but fortunately it didn't die. He quickly made his way to the privacy of his home, removed from the other dwellings and buildings of the Tenth, the small house surrounded by tall, ancient evergreens. When he was in his own room, he turned on the screen of the PSP, immediately seeing Yukio’s beautiful face and smiling at him, saying, "It seems to have worked perfectly, we're here."

Yukio nodded, immediately accessing the menu and tapping the button to load himself back into the real world, or in this case, the Soul Society. As soon as he regained full constitution on the other side, though, his knees buckled and he had to brace his hands on Toshiro’s shoulders to keep from actually falling. Still, his entire body was trembling slightly, struggling to remain standing. It wasn’t the ambient reiatsu in the Seireitei, though. That would feel vastly different than what was happening, and Yukio knew the sensation of being faced with strong spiritual pressure. It seemed that the trip had simply drained his energy. It made sense. After all, he had traveled from one world to another _while_ being in an alternate dimension.

"I have you," Toshiro said, supporting him by wrapping his arms around him. When Yukio continued to shake, he lifted him into a bridal carry, holding him close and asking, "What's wrong, Yukio? Are you alright? Is there anything I can do?" He tried to keep the sliver of panic and fear out of his voice but he wasn't certain he was entirely successful. He couldn't bear it if Yukio had damaged himself somehow just to be here with him. 

Yukio chuckled at Toshiro’s frantic words, shaking his head and reassuring him, “I’m fine, Toshiro. I think it was just traveling in that pocket dimension between worlds. I just feel weak, like I’ve been awake for days. I think I just need to rest.” He leaned his head on Toshiro’s shoulder, finding it rather amusing that the smaller man’s physical strength allowed such things, but also grateful that Toshiro could hold him in his weakness.

Toshiro smiled in relief, kissing him gently before asking, "Do you want to rest now then? I can always show you around later. I won't be expected back in the office until the day after tomorrow. When we return from Living World, we get one day to rest ourselves and write our mission report… Which I'll be omitting _quite_ a lot from, this time," Toshiro said with a quiet laugh. 

“Yes, I’d like to rest. I don’t think I could stay awake for that long. It’s really hitting me now that I’m not standing, or trying to stand. I’m just tired,” Yukio insisted, still trying to assure Toshiro that he was alright. He heard the poorly disguised anxiety and guilt in his voice before, and he _knew_ Toshiro would continue to blame himself if anything happened.

Toshiro nodded, gently kissing the soft blonde hair before carrying him to his bed. Yukio may be slightly larger than Toshiro like this, but his weight was nothing to him. He shifted him so that he was leaned against his chest, arms around his neck, so that he could continue to hold him with one arm, using his free hand to turn down the sheets to his bed. He laid him down, teal eyes sweeping over his form. He definitely looked exhausted but he wasn't shaking anymore, at least. He was wearing his usual clothing but Toshiro knew well that he didn't like to sleep in those clothes. "Do you want me to help you change into something more comfortable to sleep in? You can use one of my yukatas, we're not that different in height."

Yukio nodded, already feeling the comfort of the bed pulling him closer to sleep. “That would be good, thank you. I’m sorry I’m going to have to sleep away the day I arrive every time I come here. Maybe if I work to get stronger it won’t happen this way,” he muttered, sighing as he looked up to Toshiro. Concern still laced those gorgeous teal eyes, and Yukio gave him a small smile.

"Well, it's an otherwise small price to pay I suppose - I do wish that we could avoid this somehow but I know better than to think I could dissuade you from doing this. And… I'm really grateful you're here, Yukio. I'll just need to take care of you for the whole day," Toshiro said with his own soft smile. "And I love doing that anyway." He quickly retrieved one of his clean yukatas, gently yet efficiently helping Yukio to change before allowing him to lay back upon the bed. He quickly changed himself, settling next to and curling into him, pulling the blankets over them both. "I don't ever remember just relaxing like this after a mission," Toshiro said softly, "It's actually nice."

Yukio smiled, cuddling into him and letting a contented sigh surface. “Now you’ll be able to relax whenever you need to, Toshiro, and I’m glad to be able to give you that. Love you,” he murmured, lifting his eyes to find calm teal. Just seeing Toshiro like this was worth it. After everything that had happened just in the past few days, it made Yukio’s heart feel impossibly full, knowing that _he_ could do this - make someone like Toshiro feel like this.

"And I love you, my Yukio," Toshiro murmured, kissing him gently, feeling Yukio relax even further until Toshiro was certain he was asleep. He withdrew, smiling fondly at his relaxed, beautiful face as he slept. He really was so grateful to this man who had done so much. Just for him. Just so they could be together. 

He'd found a _place_ to belong many years ago. 

But know he'd found a _person_ to belong to. And this _place_ finally felt like _home._

"Thank you, Yukio," Toshiro whispered, "For saving me."

He closed his own eyes, feeling him against him, completely happy and at peace, knowing he'd be by his side. 

Every night. 


End file.
